Comments : I'll be there

  • 15 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    This is a cute love poem, but there were a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes that drew me away from this piece, and made it harder to read. Here are my suggesstions:

    "When you need me, im your girl .."

    "im" should be "I'm".
    And throughout this poem you have "ill", which should be "I'll" because what you put means something else.

    "ill be there.. sunshine && rain,
    dont wana play no games..
    i hope you feel the same."

    First line- & should be spelled out "and".

    The rest I thought was cute, you really love him..

    That's really it, just correct the "ill"s, "&"s, and all of the "i"s should be capatalized. I thought this was a bit repetitive and was cliche. It was a bit hard to read, and so I think a lot of work could be done on this poem, it just seems to be a rushed poem. Take care, keep writing, always and forever...