Good poem. I wouldn't say that it made me stop and go "ahh, great poem" but, it was good. The flow was good through-out , along with transitions and things such as that.

4/5

"I was trying my best to smile
To protect you from my pain"
Mm this is an okay beginning. It's original but I think you could have worded it a bit better.

"I didn't want you to know
I couldn't take the strain"
The rhyme is okay, this stanza sounds a little forced, though. Still, it's a good introduction to the poem.

"I pretended that I was happy
When all I wanted was to cry"
These lines are quite cliche, I think that if you use more vocabulary, gradually you'll start to use metaphors in your writing and it will improve it a lot.

"You didn't have a clue
That I just wanted to die"
Again, a bit cliche. The rhyme here is basic but this stanza flows quite well.

"I cant cover it up anymore
Tears run down my face
I pick up my blade
I have to get out of this place"
I, I, I.
Picking up my blade, instead takes out an I.

"I'm sorry that I'm so weak
But I don't want to pretend"
You sound like someone I know here, which I'm sure many people can either relate to personally or relate to from a friend.

"That everything is normal
And this hurt will end"
Instead of "and", "that all".

"I'm not worth the tears
So please don't cry for me
Go on and live your lives
Now you can be happy"
I don't really like self-loathe in poetry because there isn't much poetic about it unless you talk about insecurities or something like that, without actually saying you hate yourself.
But asside from that.

The rhyme in this was good, it suited the vocabulary you used throughout the poem.
The repetition of I throughout brought the poem down a bit.

If you want an example of metaphors in poetry PM me and I'll link you to some poems on here?

You have solid starting blocks as a writer, in the future a little less I and more vocabulary would do wonders. Also, if you read a little more poetry on here, you will find out what everyone writes about and then you can aim not to write anything like that. Originality is golden.

I still quite liked this, good work, 4/5

jess ~

I thought that this poem was pretty good. I do think that u should make it flow a little better. Cuz sometimes u can rhyme but not flow well, and I'm sure that u've read some poems like that right? Personally I think that the 3rd and 5th stanza threw the poem off a little cuz of the flow. But I do think that the 1st, 2nd, and 4th stanza was pretty good. Overall hun I thought that it was a really good poem. U told a story but at the same time got 2 the point. Does that make sense? lol Anyway, I thought that u did a very good job.

This is a good poem, it's filled with emotion as you can tell that is how you meant it to be.

The thing that takes away from this poem is that it's very cliche and everyone did this poem 100000 times on here and everyone seems to continue to do these teenage angst poems.

The grammar was good and the rythme was good, flow was nice and everything else was good, it was just the one, or two problems I had with it.

Good read.

5/5

Such a sad poem, youv'e written it very well
I thought the rhyming flow was carried out really good and the motion you put into this piece was beautiful

Simple is usually better, but there's obvious exceptions.

While your message was clear and everything was clean and well oriented, there was nothing unique or outstanding about this. While it is definitely a poem with a proper rhyme scheme, something was lost in simplicity.

One thing that did stand out to me, sorry to say, was a lack of vocabulary. You used happy, cry, 'pick up,' weak, pretend, normal.. all bland words in my opinion. Believe it or not, just finding a more sophisticated or less worn out word for each of those could drastically improve your work, making it seem more intelligent and even more heartfelt.

3/5 from me

I pick up my blade
I pick up my 'shining/sharp/deadly/any other adjective' blade

Comment: A description of the blade will allow the reader to imagine the scene

I "have" to get out of this place
I "need" to get out of this place

Comment: 'Need' will do the job better than 'have'

Go on and live your "lives"
Go on and live your "life"

Comment: Each of us only have ONE life, not many LIVES

Great poem. Brings out the feelings and emotion of the reader. However, word choice is your weakness. Expand your vocab by reading more works

4/5

Reading through the other comments already posted, i really dont have too much to say that wasnt already said.

Some of the lines seemed really short, which broke up the flow; mainly the "I pick up my blade" line. It is so short and undescriptive; maybe use and adjective to describe it, or s noun to say what type of blade. REACHING FOR MY RUSTED RAZOR BLADE, or GRASPING THE BLADE OF MY PARENTS SCISSORS.

I would suggest using the RHYMER.COM site when you write. It lists words that rhyme with each other, but also has a thesaurus and dictonary link as well. This may help you find different words and cut down on using the word "I" as much.