Comments : In YOur Charm

  • 15 years ago

    by DarkCrystalbtrfy

    Ok here we go ; )

    1st stanza:
    I think Of you yesterevening
    beneath the dreary sky of july
    as i confeessed to the great moon
    this feeling that i kept inside.

    I like how you have said yesterevining instead of last night or yesterday night, nice touch there. Good rhyming scheme so far. And i like how you have you confessed to the moon. Strong sense of lonleyness

    2nd stanza:
    ALWAYS fond of seeing your face
    just a glimpse can light my whole day
    your sweetest smile that still remain
    unto my heart you easily tame.

    You have some gramatical errors in this one for instance it would make more sense if you put remains instead of remain. your rhyming scheme is still right on target here. Nice job with the word choice sweetest smile i can get a clear image in my mind with that. although when you write unto my heart you easely tame, theres a bit of an issue with flow something dosent sound quite right, maby you could switch up the words a bit.

    3rd Stanza:
    REMEMBER me when you need help
    when there's no one to take you care
    well it seems sounds funny but anyway
    ill give you warm and lots of care

    Once again it seems as if theres some gramatical errors. seems sounds, one or the other but not both. Your ryhming scheme works well here as well

    As for the last lines there good.
    Well Written

  • 15 years ago

    by Singmehome

    Aaaawwwww....such sweet loving poem...you can tell it comes from the heart ...as for the grammatical errors i believe they do not take those feelings of love :) ..5/5