Very different write... I felt mixed emotions here of sadness, frustation and fear ... wonderfully written .. dark and deep..

"But you are not his keeper your life is yours
To look forward or back
The decision yours
I am in front of you "

^^ liked the ending very much..

keep writing...

Too many I's and I didn't care for the repetition or the filler words. I did however, like your word choice throughout the rest of the piece. I think the piece was clever and creative.

I have edited your piece to show you an example of the difference a few slight changes can make. The removal of some filler words and repetitious words can be done without changing the message the piece is trying to convey.

Despite the minor flaws, I think you did an exceptional job. A not so simple expression of the sorrow one feels when broken hearted.

An ache that builds and burns
Desperation creases my furrowed brow
Anguish etched in every move
Every breath I take
Two hands a cradle for all that's lost
This turbulence will not abate
My sheets awake with sweat
Is this my rampant imagination
Fear of mind playing a false accord
Until your song of love plays again
Yet knowing you are torn in two
From a battle raging within
Devastation for the countenance of one
I falter at the thought
As a tear of pain glides down my cheek
But you are not his keeper
Look forward or back
The decision yours
I am in front of you

Well felt honest & clear