Comments : Beneath The Opaque Sky in Your Arms.

  • 15 years ago

    by Grace

    This is amazing =]

    it had great word choice,
    but permanent smooches didnt feel right to me..
    maybe permanent brands of his love or permanent signature of his kiss
    or imprint.
    it just seems a bit slang to me and doesnt fit with the amazing flow you had created.

    besides that,
    beautiful job as always =]

  • 15 years ago

    by Blissful

    "Your tender lips create a trail of honeyed kisses down my neck."
    ^I loved how you used your words to create the image in the readers mine. Everything was phrased so flawlessly.

    "leaving permanent imprints of love on both of my rosy cheeks."
    ^'permanent imprints of love' oh boy I loved that line! It was worded so differently and was refreshing to see you try something new. Great job! :]

    I could just feel the desire hidden in your words. It was so sweet and innocent yet lined with a bit of lust. The flow here was flawless and you unique choice of words didnt overpower your poem but made it stand out in my opinion. Your use of imagery was flawless and it felt as if I was there experiencing everything with my own eyes because your descriptions were so clear and beautiful. I love that you tried a sensual poem because its out of the box for you but you need to take risks in your poetry. :]

    Also loved the title! So uniquie.

    Well done!
    *5/5* :]

  • 15 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "You gently position your subtle hands on my glowing skin,
    caressing in a soothing motion with your palms and fingertips.
    The fervency of your hands evaporates on my chilly body,
    such a licentious touch ignites uncontrollable thoughts."

    Wow, I am seriously blown away, the romance that you have provided for each word in this poem is immense! Your descriptions are so passionate and show the true love and feeling for each other..

    "An embrace so secure makes me want to stay forever.
    Suddenly, I glance up into your eyes that go on for infinity.
    and instantly I'm led astray; their gleam is so attractive.
    Your tender lips create a trail of honeyed kisses down my neck."

    Beautiful, this is outstanding! I feel like I'm here seeing this love scene, this deep love. What desire is portrayed here, wonderful imagery and word choice, a masterpiece of a love poem!

    "You pursue closer to my lips that anticipate your company,
    leaving permanent imprints of love on both of my rosy cheeks.
    Descending quickly, we finally engage in pure bliss and affection
    beneath the opaque sky counting the thousands of stars."

    Excellent wording, that's so original and not simple. Not much more to say but congrats! This is such an amazing love poem, so hold your head up high! Keep writing, always and forever...