Comments : My friend

  • 15 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "I found q promising friend today"

    "q" should be "a".

    I noticed throughout this poem, you wrote "she' s" and "I' m". There doesn't need to be a space after the apostrophe. It should look like this "she's" and "I'm".

    "This friend is quite rare
    I thought, she fell from heaven
    or, probably, a lost fairy
    In fact, I noticed that she`s quite lovely"

    Beautiful wording, I love that last part, how you say that you noticed she's quite lovely.

    "Surprisingly, she came to my life without any warning
    Like a fairytale in my dreams
    she`s my friend and that`s for sure
    I`m lucky, because her heart is pure"

    Wonderful descriptions of a great friend thats close to you..

    "Whenever, I see her, I feel complete
    That I can even dance on my seat
    I can`t resist her, I used to watched her walking in
    And, Honestly, she`s the most beautiful thing that I`ve sen"

    Last line: "sen" should be "seen"

    "We spent time, those times that laughter was shared
    Those minutes that we can see our perfect smiles
    That we might not want to stop the good times
    Which is considered as a living treasure that will never die"

    First line: To me it would sound better if you wrote "We spent time together,"... instead of "We spent time".

    Last line: Again, I think it would sound and read better if you wrote "Which is considered a living treasure...." instead of what you have. Just my opinion though.

    "Yet, I knoz the nqture of life"

    You made some spelling errors here, so I woud go back and fix these two.

    "I don`t know if `GOODBYE`is a positive word at all
    Or, a word that usually makes people cry
    Well, atleast, even it`s hard to say
    Oh, dear friend, I know we will see each other again someday"

    Awww..very sad and heartfelt. In the first line, I don't think its necesarry to put in all caps "Goodbye".

    "I want to thank you `KLOVER`for everything
    Now, I feel special even though it`s only a short time
    But, still, I ought to say this `THANK YOU`
    Oh, my dear friend, `I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU`"

    Again, I don't think those words^ need to be in all caps.

    Great closing words and a special dedication to a good friend. Touching emotions and feeling, I hope your friend read this, they would love it.

  • 11 years ago

    by Yrem Crish

    How sweet your poem..a very nice poem to a friend. And for sure if ever your friend will read this poem she will be glad and thankful for you...
    --I found q promising friend today--little confused to this line maybe because of "Q" here..hehe,
    --A friend that you can trust completely
    For me, she`s incomparable
    And, honestly, My friend, she`s beautiful--but I like the way you described your friend in this part..
    ---I thought, she fell from heaven
    or, probably, a lost fairy---great imagery!

    ---Surprisingly, she came to my life without any warning
    Like a fairytale in my dreams---wow!amazing simile.

    ---And, Honestly, she`s the most beautiful thing that I`ve sen--in the fifth stanza, last line:typo--seen
    ---Yet, I knoz the nqture of life---seventh stanza, typo: "know" "nature"

    --- don`t know if `GOODBYE`is a positive word at all
    Or, a word that usually makes people cry
    Well, atleast, even it`s hard to say
    Oh, dear friend, I know we will see each other again someday---this is the part I love most--the feeling here is strong and sad. I like the way you write it.
    And the ending is written well, great. As a whole like it, well-done.-C

  • 11 years ago

    by BlueJay

    My friend

    ^^ You show that the poem is dedicated to someone before the note at the bottom which is helpful. Thank you

    I found q promising friend today
    A friend that you can trust completely
    For me, she`s incomparable
    And, honestly, My friend, she`s beautiful

    ^^ q should be a. And does not need the comma. I like how you start it off by saying that she is incomparable and beautiful.

    This friend is quite rare
    I thought, she fell from heaven
    or, probably, a lost fairy
    In fact, I noticed that she`s quite lovely

    ^^ More about her beauty, hmm... I guess there is no harm in this but it sorta made me think that you only base friendship on looks.

    Surprisingly, she came to my life without any warning
    Like a fairytale in my dreams
    she`s my friend and that`s for sure
    I`m lucky, because her heart is pure

    ^^ Now, we see what actually makes her a good friend, the heart. Great, cause I was wondering about that. Though for the record the first line messes with the flow a bit.

    Sometimes, I wish, I can stop the time
    So, we can talk for awhile
    And, I`m free to stare on those eyes
    I liked them, they`re bright as the skies

    ^^ More description about her, but this time we start to get a visual and thats always good. I like that you mention how much you want to talk to her, because if friends can't talk or don't want to then they really arent friends at all.

    Whenever, I see her, I feel complete
    That I can even dance on my seat
    I can`t resist her, I used to watched her walking in
    And, Honestly, she`s the most beautiful thing that I`ve sen

    ^^ sen should be seen, I think. And doesnt need the comma. She makes you feel complete and happy, yay we start to see some of the emotion in the piece. Thank you.

    We spent time, those times that laughter was shared
    Those minutes that we can see our perfect smiles
    That we might not want to stop the good times
    Which is considered as a living treasure that will never die

    ^^ The last line would make sense even without the word as. But the rest of this stanza is pretty well written. I like how we can now see two friends sitting together and actually having fun with something so simple.

    Yet, I knoz the nqture of life
    I know that we need to find our own paths
    It is hard to say, but, this time, its parting time
    And, I don`t know why, but this line is the most difficult line to rhyme

    ^^ Knowz should be know, right? and nqture should be nature, I'm pretty sure. You leave the poem for a second to mention the poetry which only shows how much you really don't want to part. And honestly, who would want to part ways with their good friends?

    I don`t know if `GOODBYE`is a positive word at all
    Or, a word that usually makes people cry
    Well, atleast, even it`s hard to say
    Oh, dear friend, I know we will see each other again someday

    ^^ Goodbye is a word that has many different meanings and connotations, it all depends on how YOU see it. Though generally it is a negative word and it almost always makes people cry. It's nice that you are so positive in saying you know that you will see her again someday. That is always a helpful thing when you are leaving a "dear" friend.

    I want to thank you `KLOVER`for everything
    Now, I feel special even though it`s only a short time
    But, still, I ought to say this `THANK YOU`
    Oh, my dear friend, `I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU`

    ^^ The end is a really sweet way to end the piece. It ties everything up and makes the emotional ties complete as well.

    The overall piece is worth a 4/5 in my opinion. There were a good bit of mistakes and the piece really didn't have anything special to catch my attention. The flow kept getting disrupted and the style wasn't always coherent with the rest. The word choice was quite bland as well. However the emotion worked very well and though it was iffy it was strong at the end.

    ~MRK