If I was your boy
On a snowy path I'd always hold your hand
Like a genie your wish is my command
And start opening the door for you like a gentleman.

Wonderful beginning... I loved your comparisons...

I would never look at any other girl
My intentions to you is as flawless as a pearl
It may be hard for you to trust me
My loyalty is to you and that I can guarantee.

This is really a heart-felt, sweet and wonderful poem... I love the "as flawless as a pearl"... It's quite original...

If I was your boy
I'd count your pimples on your forehead
So I could have all your attention
Annoying you with much affection.

This stanza made me giggle... It is funny in a quite sweet way... ;)

I'd listen to you, no matter what you say
I'd watch what my mouth is saying
Especially when I'm unintentionally swearing
But if I make a mistake, I'll kneel down apologizing.

This stanza is also really well written... And astonishingly romantic... :)

If I was your boy
I'd laugh at your jokes even though it's so corny
To make it convincing, I'll laugh hysterically
I've always done that and it's too funny.

I like your repetition of the first line... You only do it, in some stanzas, so it never get's boring...
I must say this is one of the sweetest poems I've ever read...

I just really love looking at you
I'll never get tired of you
Remember when we had a staring contest at KFC
At that moment, I wanted to ask you to be with me.

It is really lovely how you connect your strongest feelings to this "staring contest"...
It makes me think... Sometimes the simplest things are the most beautiful...

But I knew it was too fast
My feelings got the best of me for it's like the sky, it's vast!
Immensely growing rapidly within me
Open my heart and you will see.

Great imagery... I am absolutely amazed... I only suggest you'd try to shorten up the 2nd line because of the flow...

If I was your boy
Jealousy and insecurity isn't a problem
Because there's no way you're that kind of girl
You're different from all of them.

That's really a sweet stanza... I would only suggest you'd change "isn't" to wouldn't be"... I think it coud sound better...

You like to sing and dance
In those things, I have no chance
But I love it when you danced "I don't want nobody but you"
Pointing at me melted my heart though it didn't mean something
I can never stop my heart and my mind from imagining.

You paint a very beautiful picture from a real situation... Really like the "melted my heart"... it feels so clear...

If I was your boy
Everytime we're together will have endless laughters
Doing crazy things that we've never done before
We'll create our very own adventures.

A very nice thought as well... Your poetry is so filled with emotions...
Would suggest you change "will" to "we'll" (2nd line), because of grammar...

Hours with you is like spending a day
Freezing time, slowly ticking the seconds away
Walking ahead of me so fast as we pass by the lingerie shop
Jumping for a piggyback to you makes us laugh til we drop.

This stanza also makes me giggle... It is absolutely great how your poem can seem funny and sweet at the same time...

Riding a shopping cart downhill
The crazy things we did that felt effortless and real
Being with you makes reality better than fantasy
Fairy tales are nothing compared to a true story!

I really like your comparison of reality and fantasy... It is quite original... most people get lost in the fantasy and escape from reality... You think reality is better...

If I was your boy, I'll make you happy everyday
I'd treat you in the right way
For you're the girl that I've been looking
And you're the girl that I'll always be needing.

A quite classical stanza, yet still a beautiful one... I would suggest you'd add a couple words to the 2nd line, due to the flow... the line seems a little bit too short...

You've seen the real me
Playful, idiotic and some kind of romantic
I am me because of you
I have nothing to hide from you.

This stanza is good but confuses me a little bit... "I am me because of you" - do you mean this girl is the essence of your soul? Maybe you could explain it better...
Yet it is still extremely sweet...

If I was your boy
I'd never make promises because it leads to disappointments
Though I'm telling you now that I'll never change
Even if the letters of my name gets rearrange.

Intersting ending... "The letters of my name gets rearrange" - absolutely awesome...
Yet... "get" instead of "gets"... letters is plural...

Altogether...

A poem which was wonderfully written... Although I seem to make a lot of suggestions, they are nothing but it... It doesn't mean your poem isn't great...
Quite a long poem, actually... But still worth the read...

*keep up*

isabel

Um . This is very chiche .. As well as awfully odd at some points .
If I was your boy
I'd count your pimples on your forehead
So I could have all your attention
Annoying you with much affection.

Your rhyme scheme is everywhere , and it's very had to keep a flow while reading . Although the idea is super cute , and since it's christmas I'm going to give you a 4/5 . Good job .

Wow, you obviously really love this girl and it glows throughout your poem. I really liked the opening stanzas that you wrote, especially the part about the genie. That was really clever and had me wanting to read more.

I would never look at any other girl
My intentions to you is as flawless as a pearl
It may be hard for you to trust me
My loyalty is to you and that I can guarantee.
(These words were so romantic and every girl wishes to hear them. I loved the metaphor of the pearl.)

Overall your poem was very good. I was so cute and the words were very charming and made me smile. Happy to have read it. 5/5

Hey
This poem was great.... I think it was very cute and thoughtful and like everyone else said "you must really like this girl"
I really thought it was great because its what i would want my ideal guy to be like. And making all these promises to a girl is worth a lot. I hope my guy in the future does all those things and loves me as much as it looks like you love her.
Great Job!!
5/5
+ its going in my favorites =)

This is absolutely one of the greatest love poem confessions i've ever read... the way you make it rhyme and flow was flawless that's filled with truth and honesty in ach and every lines and stanza.Indeed it was beautifully penned down and i bet the girl who u wrote for would be please to read it

Excellent Job
5/5 from me

I like the original side of your poem you puts in mind fantasy and reality. This stanza caught my attention,
"If I was your boy
I'd never make promises because it leads to disappointments
Though I'm telling you now that I'll never change
Even if the letters of my name gets rearrange". Promises does not always be a broken promises. In a relationship, i think promises are important. If a guy says this to me, it would turn me off, telling me he's not serious enough. Overall, i like your poem it was a pleasure for reading it. It merits 5/5, kel.

Awwww... this was awww.. and beautiful from beginning to end. i love it. hehehe.. nicelt done. it made me smile a lot cuz it reminded me of Jj awww.. and i thank you for that. amazing job truly a 5/5

TaKe CaRe,
Frenchy

Great poem!! Makes me melt every time!!! I wish u were MY BOY!!! LOL

First impression, the title is kind of "rap-song-ish"; not exactly a bad thing, but it sets a awkward mood.

After reading only a few lines, I like the repetition of the "If I was your boy" line, but it would fit better at the end of the stanza. Instead of:

"If I was your boy
On a snowy path I'd always hold your hand
Like a genie your wish is my command
And start opening the door for you like a gentleman."

Try this:

"On a snowy path I'd always hold your hand
Like a genie your wish is my command
And start opening the door for you like a gentleman.
If I was your boy"

I personally think it sound better; kind of like a cause-and-effect sequence.

In the third stanza, I don't like the second line. That is not something you would want to mention in a love poem.

In stanza 8, the second line is very long. It looks like a run-on sentence to me. By the end of the line, I had lost all interest in reading the line. It would be better to separate the two thoughts into separate lines. I DID like the word IMMENSELY in this stanza though, it was very powerful and full of emotion.

In the tenth stanza, I noticed there are 5 lines instead of 4. This threw off the flow quite a bit.

Overall, the poem is pretty good. The thoughts behind the words were well thought out, but failed to flow on paper as well as they do if you read them out loud. Some of the rhymes were forced (like FANTASY / STORY and SOMETHING / IMAGINING). This poem may be better off as a free-verse poem. I get the meaning of the lines you have written, but it seems that you focused too much on the rhyming scheme. This took away from the words you WERE saying, and what you WANTED to say. I also liked how some parts are somewhat child-like and others are pretty mature. For example, the staring contest at KFC reminds me of a children's game; but many other parts are mature.

There were a lot of positive things to the poem, but the few negative parts that I mentioned seemed to overwhelm the good parts.

This site has a link to a really great tool called Rhymer. You would probably benefit from using it when you are searching for rhyming pairs. Its located at www.rhymer.com.

So Jan is deeply inlove with this gurl hah? hahaha..Just kidding..

I wasnt just reading but actually singing it..Sweet...A Lovely piece dedicated to the one you love that would absolutely melt her heart...Good job..