Be Sane

Seven months together
Almost five apart
Ten months, twelve days in total
But who's counting right?

Very good beginning... Loved the last line...

In all the time I've known you
This is the longest "away" we've had
I love you, like a snowflake
My head hurts, but I don't feel bad

Also a very good stanza... The 2nd stanza lost me a little bit (longest "away" ), but the 3rd line caught my attention again... "I love you like a snowflake" is both sweet and original... :)

I can't stop thinking about you
It makes me feel warm inside
Everything except my heart
I miss you more than you can know
I'd tell you but we're apart

This stanza is also wonderful... I would suggest though, that you'd try to set a connection between you and this everything... maybe "It makes me feel all warm inside" (i cannot write it better than this but maybe you understand my point of view...)

I know this poem isn't good
I don't need a critic to tell me that
But I know that since I kissed you
I never wanted to go back

I dare to disagree... :)
Your poem is really good...
This stanza is flawless... It isn't the poem that matters but the person you loved... I really like the thought...

It's been seven months
Thinking about it makes me smile
I'm all bubbly and warm
I've had that feeling for a while

Cute imagery =) "all bubbly and warm"... Quite original as well... I most definately understand the feeling... ;)

I love you and I miss you
It's hard not having you here every day
I'm doing my best to not break down
I'm doing my best to stay sane

A great stanza as well... Good description of your feelings... Something I can fully relate to, as well...

ha, stay sane, ha.. try BE sane)

Intersting ending... An original structure and a astonishingly good way to express your sadness... I would suggest "try to be sane"... yet perhaps you really mean it to resemble whispering words... :))

*nice job*
isabel

But who's counting right?

^fave line. it's so you :p

5/5