Comments : Waiting In The Shadows, Until The Sun Hits Me To Shine

  • 15 years ago

    by HvN

    Known you for a long time and there is no doubt your writing skills have improved to incredible proportions!

    The title caught my attention imediately, the poem itself is sad and I can relate to it... =[

    but great job, love it

    keep it up!

    5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by SashaMirage

    Wow the emotion in this poem was very strong. This was so flawless! I loved reading every word of it. I could really picture what you were saying and how much watching their love breaking your heart. 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Fading Memory

    Just one or two or more words simply a great job i didnt liked it i just loved it cause it seems really so true i think your feelings are inside the poem so i think i have no chance with you ;) am just kiddin it was jus a way to let you know the way i felt it keep your great job up

  • 15 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    This well worded poem could only be written from experience and reflects a pacient passion that is admirable

    well done

  • 15 years ago

    by megan

    Ok so you know i cry about everything rite??!! lol but anyways this poem was reall touching i loved it and i missed you poems.. sorry i havent read them in a while.!! lol 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Italian Stallion

    This reminds me of the song, "The Rose" by Bette Midler. You never know what you have in front of you untill you look deeply and give it a chance. "Even if love is full of thorns, I'd still embrace it for I know that in between those thorns, there is a rose that's worth all the pain."

    It was very well constructed and had great imagery lying within. The flow was good as well as the rhythm.

    Peace, Joe

  • 15 years ago

    by alexis

    I loved this poem, it was very beautiful. keep writing and let no one bring you down.

  • 15 years ago

    by Hatori

    I swear I could have fallen off my chair at the exactness in your words. This is the position I'm in right now, so I can say you nailed the feeling to the last syllable. The emotions of wanting him so much, but the fact that he loved another were so strong that it really brought your poem to life. Also, I like the style of your poem with each line ending in a period. However, I think if it was seperated into stanza's this poem would have even more effect because of the layout. I particularly like these lines:

    "Just be hidden in the shadows.
    Until the sun hits me to shine."

    Those lines gave me an image and I could feel the thoughts behind them. Adds even more to the idea of waiting for your love =]

    Aside from the stanza comment, I can't see any places to improve. Well done, this was a lovely and compassionate read! 5/5

    --Hari

  • 15 years ago

    by Joe Holland

    That was, unnerving. but in a good way. until the sun hits me to shine is a fantastic line.

  • 15 years ago

    by BrayBray

    This poem hit me. It reminds me exactly what happened with my current girlfriend. There was another girl, I just needed to have, but didn't realize the one I needed was her. Well, we're together now, and she makes my life awesome. We've been dating for 15 months.

    I just like this poem, how I can relate to it.

    PS. Thanks for the comment on mine, it means a lot!

  • 15 years ago

    by BrayBray

    This poem hit me. It reminds me exactly what happened with my current girlfriend. There was another girl, I just needed to have, but didn't realize the one I needed was her. Well, we're together now, and she makes my life awesome. We've been dating for 15 months.

    I just like this poem, how I can relate to it.

    PS. Thanks for the comment on mine, it means a lot!

  • 15 years ago

    by umbra

    Agh! This poem was me at one time in my life! I love how you caught the exact feel of the emotion. To love and not be loved is such a hard place to be! You did a most wonderful job! The title is a great metaphor for the situation and caught my attention from the very start. Keep up the good work. 5/5.

  • 15 years ago

    by Nate the philosopher

    OMG its been a whilre since i commented on ur poems and this poem is the greatest
    100/5

  • 15 years ago

    by The Shadowlust Inside Me

    I cant imagine how much it must hurt you....your poem was great i loved it :) im sad to hear that your friend is such a fool to not see what he has with u....I hope so he opens his eyes and sees your in that ray of sunsine so that he might light your world back up

    Excellent! :)

  • 15 years ago

    by XxTwisteDxxMinDxX

    So ur my new favorite author. U did an amazing job. 5/5.

    wud u check out some of mine and give me some pointers? it wud mean alot. i have so much room for improvement.
    keep up the good work.
    -ashley.

  • 14 years ago

    by Cotton Candy Clouds

    You can't see what's in front of you.
    Someone with love so true.
    Someone that would give you anything, do anything just for you.
    ^^the do at the end of the third line throws it off it should be at the beginning of the fourth sentences other than that great opening : ) : )

    But you don't see it. Not one bit.
    I'm just a friend that's all I'm going to be to you.
    Oh! How I want you, to open your eyes.
    To see the heart I'm handing to you.
    ^^there shouldn't be a , after "how i want you," it is fine without one!!! to many girls are in this situation it's so sad!!! : / guys need to open their eyes !!!

    To see what true smiles I share with you.
    To realize that I love you.
    But I can't do anything to help you out.
    Just be hidden in the shadows.
    ^^awww i sorry for you : / it is so hard to feel so strongly for someone but have them keep pushing and pushing you farther away...

    Until the sun hits me to shine.
    But until that I'll be here.
    Listening to you talk about how much you love her.
    How much you miss her, and want her, need her back in your life.
    ^^it is so adorable that you are there for him that is so nice to do even though he is not exchanging the feelings you share for him it's very selfless if i may say so myself one day he will open his eyes and see that he made a mistake

    I'll be the one you'll cry on.
    The one that will always be there for you.
    The one friend that will always have open arms for you.
    To hear, to hold tight and never let you go.
    ^^.....the best friend role...so many people will be able to relate to this piece it is such a great thing to be able to connect with your audience!! it keeps us involved into your poem

    Even when you don't know.
    That it kills me inside.
    How much you love her.
    How much you need her.
    Oh! How I wish I was that girl you need.
    The girl you would love.
    But I'm just a friend to you.
    Just waiting in the shadows until you open your eyes and see.
    ^^one day he will see you in the light that you have always been in!!! you will find some guy that it doesn't take all of this to make him see how amazing you are ! than it will be this guys loss : )

    5/5

  • 14 years ago

    by RobinAnn13

    I liked it. The flow seemed a little forced at the end but otherwise is good. Line 5 needs a comma after friend.
    Although loving a guy who loves someone else is a common topic, this is different from all of the ones I've read. Meaning, in this one, the girl is his friend.
    My favorite lines are:
    "How much you miss her, and want her, need her back in your life.
    I'll be the one you'll cry on.
    The one that will always be there for you."

    I get an image from that section. Very powerful.
    5/5

  • 14 years ago

    by Not Enough

    I find that it's a little bit over played. It seems like I've read these poems over and over again. But it was still a good write. The flow was a little off. I don't really like the your vocabulary and I think there could've been a better way to write this.

    Soda E>

  • 14 years ago

    by Annaam

    Very well-written and extremely relateable!

    Excellent wOrk!
    5/5 :).