Comments : Darkness is my face

  • 10 years ago

    by InvisiblyHeartless

    This is...sort of typical for the suicide-type of writing. It's well written, has a pretty good flow. There are some rough spots.
    One is
    The punctuation. Commas are pauses, and I feel there are too many pauses in this poem.
    Something else came to my attention, your lines go short and then long, it sort of halts the flow a little.
    I would rearrange some of the wording, to make it more lock-in tight.
    Overall, a pretty good poem.

  • 10 years ago

    by Nobodys Hero

    I thought it was a very good poem, great job=]
    It may be a typical topic to write about as the person above said yet I feel you wrote the piece extremly well ^^ Just use capps on all your ''i's'' (I) and the poem will be even better

  • 10 years ago

    by Faithless

    Nice. i like the poem from the strat to the finish. Well sometimes we do fall back to our past makes us weak and confused.

    my eyes staring at the ground,
    i wipe away my tear stained cheeks,
    i pour the contents of the bottle in my hand,
    one by one i swallow til i can barely stand.

    - this stanza really stood out for me I like how you displayed how you wasted ur life away by turning to drinking for solace.

    Overall you have done a wonderful job in crafting this poem

    5/5 from me

  • 10 years ago

    by KeyxMashingxParody

    Very dark, and emotional piece, I could feel what you were feeling, and that's something a lot of poetry on here cannot make me do, is feel. Great job. 5/5

    Elizabeth (Ellie) <3

  • Another good one, mista kyle.
    i liked the pattern of rhyme.
    :] good job.
    smile for me, k?

  • 10 years ago

    by Hollywood

    Really liked this
    I miss reading your poetry
    You are such the poet
    Love you and keep up the awesome

  • 9 years ago

    by Hollymariee

    Emotional , and well written . When you do rhyming poems you should try and create a rhyme pattern .