Comments : Stupid Me

  • 15 years ago

    by BlackIris

    Good work..
    The last part is what I liked the most..

  • 15 years ago

    by Christopher Hantman

    I'm stupid, completely and utterly
    thought I knew what I was getting into
    You warned me, I wouldn't listen
    least of all to you

    ... is it supposed to be least of all or most of all, i got confused here...

    I've never felt so blind, so ignorant,
    so unworthy of a second chance
    never before have I long for one
    but when stuck in a rut one can't advance

    ... I would replace long with longed, it sounds better......

    I wanted something I couldn't have
    the glamor, and the shine
    I entirely failed to notice
    how you were already mine

    ... i like this part, ends the poem well...

    3.5/5 needs a little touching up..

    Keep up the good work.

  • 15 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    This is the kind of poem anyone who has ever felt the pain of rejection, real or imagined would love to have written to them. As far as I am concerned it is as good as any I have written, or read

  • 15 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    I thought your emotions were clear, but it was such a short poem I almost wanted it to continue longer so that the reader could have seen more emotions expressed and expressed in depthly. I would keep expanding on this poem because I think there's more you can say to such a small poem such as this.

    Need more but Ill give you..
    5/5.

  • 15 years ago

    by Teria

    I'm stupid, completely and utterly
    thought I knew what I was getting into
    You warned me but I wouldn't listen,
    and least of all to you

    - I'm not too fond of the wording in some areas, here. Especially the first line, I find it a bit blunt and a tad bit ugly.

    [I'm stupid, completely stupid
    I thought I knew what I was getting into.
    You warned me but I didn't listen,
    and least of all to you.]

    Changes: FIRST LINE I didn't like how you had that written out, utterly seemed ugly and it was just blunt. I think that it's still blunt changed and no matter what way you change it it's going to be blunt. BUT, there's a difference between blunt and ugly and just blunt. Not only that, doubling up 'stupid' makes it seem and sound more concrete in the opinion. SECOND LINE I think that 'thought I knew' sounds less direct than 'I thought I knew', and in this case directness is needed. THIRD LINE I changed 'wouldn't' to 'didn't' because... even though 'wouldn't' is past tense, 'didn't' sounds better, looks better, and flows better. LAST LINE was the line that I really, really loved. Good job with that line, darling.

    I've never felt so blind, so ignorant,
    so unworthy of a second chance
    never before have I longed for one
    but when stuck in a rut one can't advance

    - I really liked these lines. I enjoyed the truth and honesty in them, as well as the amazing emotional boundaries. They're not direct to the point someone can't connect with them, rather direct enough to make the connection with readers AND yourself. Good job here, darling.

    I wanted something I couldn't have
    the glamor, and the shine
    I entirely failed to notice
    how you were already mine

    - Great ending. One thing though, the second line doesn't need a comma in it.

  • 15 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    "I'm stupid, completely and utterly
    thought I knew what I was getting into
    You warned me but I wouldn't listen,
    and least of all to you"

    ^^ I love the opening here, it shows that there's a reason why you're thinking like this and as the reader I want to find out what it is, which leaves me instantly hooked.

    "I've never felt so blind, so ignorant,
    so unworthy of a second chance
    never before have I longed for one
    but when stuck in a rut one can't advance"

    ^^ I found the flow to be a tiny bit of in the last line, maybe try it without the "when", it seems to flow better for me that way.

    "I wanted something I couldn't have
    the glamor, and the shine
    I entirely failed to notice
    how you were already mine "

    ^^Again I found the flow to be a little of on the last line again, maybe try without the "how?"

    I noticed quite a few filler words in this, I you, and, etc, which put me of a little.

    However that being said, I really enjoyed this, despite it being relatively short you managed to capture alot of emotion throughout.