Comments : Fly so hard i'll fall

  • 15 years ago

    by rachyBBY

    Sad, and touching. keep writing, i enjoyed it.

  • 15 years ago

    by AngelEyez89

    ...wow. that's so well written. so much passion and emotions.

    well done :D

  • 15 years ago

    by Cyber Saiyan

    In the opening stanza, you accidentally confused the verb. "I will fly so hard I fall" The "I WILL" is future tense, but the I FALL is present tense. Maybe try SO HARD I WILL FALL". The next two lines seem to contradict each other too. Line two left me with an image that you fell, but now your dancing on the stars above. I like the imagery you are going for, but it was a little confusing reading it the first time.

    The next two stanzas are good.

    I loved the line "I'll always have your name but i never had your heart".

    Good closing line as well.

    Overall, another pretty good peom. I thought it lacked power words though. It seemed like I was just reading a story, nothing really grabbed my attention and made me say WOW!. I would also suggest removing some of the instances of "I'll".

    Again, I would probably add some punctuation and fix the lowercase letters, but the subject and wording was pretty good.