Comments : Poetic Transaction (collab)

  • 10 years ago

    by Ingrid de Klerck

    Waking up weak in your arms under a starry night
    Infatuation so strong, unable to resist or fight

    ^^*deep sigh*
    Really, you two are a perfect match! So beautiful this verse is, it just blended together, like two lovers on a hot summer night, he he;)

    *hugs*

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 10 years ago

    by Inside the Liar

    All right. Let me take a moment here to catch my breath......
    I love the collabs you two manage to script. It seems as easy as breathing for you. I agree with Sasha, I think this may be the best yet. I felt as though I was right there. It was amazing. Every couplet was a masterpiece in my opinion. I really enjoyed reading this. I think it will go into my favorites. :) 5/5

  • 10 years ago

    by Hollywood

    I really liked this!
    It was very well written!
    You have a gift that was sent from someone special!Awesome job!

  • 10 years ago

    by Nee

    Wow...I mean really WOW !!
    what a perfect collab Azzza and Sasha !!
    I didn't know you guys are that stunning in love poetry.
    I'm in absolute awe..this truly amazed me..I don't read these passionate beautiful love poems here a lot.
    I so much loved the rhyme, the rhythm and the music of the piece..flow couldn't be more amazing than this
    I'm definitely in love with this piece.

    Very excellent work you two
    Write on

  • 10 years ago

    by Hollymariee

    Professing undying love through rhyme and verse
    Written in a shade of ink you can never reverse

    I would change can never to can't , because that makes the syllable count even and makes the poem flow much better .

    Scriptures permanently embedded on the heart
    Piercing through our skin as modern day art

    perhaps add does after as , it helps the syllable count again . I really like the imagery of this stanza .

    Covering the truth with a sultry veil of distraction
    It's time to exchange this lover's poetic transaction

    Perfect .

    No longer speaking a language of metaphors
    Seasons of love flourish opening new doors

    Once again flawless , with amazing imagery .

    As these beautiful aspirations seem to submerge
    You send three flawless words in which I immerge

    ... I think you got submerge and emerge mixed up . Emerge is like , comming out .. And submerge is like falling into ..

    Lost in your dark eyes with no way out of this maze
    Clouds of lust roll in covering us in a poetic haze

    Fate is coloring my life with rainbows and glitter
    Years of endless searching, I finally found my answer

    The rest of the rhymes in this poem are so good .. So this last stanza throws off the read .

    Shrouded under the mist letting our lips eclipse
    Caressing skin to skin, decoding body scripts

    Change body to bodily .. It makes more sense .

    Waking up weak in your arms under a starry night
    Infatuation so strong, unable to resist or fight

    Clear interpretations, giving in to sweet temptation
    Writing a million phrases, inspired by our creation

    This poem is amazing , and you both did a great job . I would add some more punctuation throughout the poem .. And pay more attention to the syllable count to help the flow . 5/5 , and if my comment helps , please remember to praise !

  • 10 years ago

    by Cara

    Wow, wow, wow!
    Your best collab yet, in my opinion.
    Truly amazing! Wow! This piece of poetry screamed love.. i really enjoyed reading it.
    Your collabs are wonderfully written, but this one just stood out on top for me.

    Lost in your dark eyes with no way out of this maze
    ^^ I love this. It made me think of looking into someones eyes and not being able to look away.. lovee <3

    I dont even have words to describe how amazing this piece of amazing poetry is. It was a stunning poem.
    Keep writing together, you two really work together well.
    5/5

  • 10 years ago

    by Sylvia

    There is nothing I can add to all the previous comments. This is a seamless collab, cannot tell that two people wrote this. It is also a beautiful love poem. Good job to both of you. 5/5

  • 10 years ago

    by The Prince

    How nice to include the link at the end. This is a fantastic collaboration piece, there is so much crammed in here from two very poetic minds. The rhyme isnt forced, and the imagery is brilliant, I loved 'poetic haze'. Great work guys, really enjoyed it.

    Danny

  • 10 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    "Professing undying love through rhyme and verse
    Written in a shade of ink you can never reverse

    Scriptures permanently embedded on the heart
    Piercing through our skin as modern day art"

    ^^Ahhh...what a beautiful, beautiful opening! The imagery within these lines is absolutely fantastic, so striking and creates such vivid pictures in my mind, while the flow is faultless.

    "Covering the truth with a sultry veil of distraction
    It's time to exchange this lover's poetic transaction

    No longer speaking a language of metaphors
    Seasons of love flourish opening new doors"

    ^^I'm finding this piece to become better and better as I go along, with each line better than the one before it.

    "As these beautiful aspirations seem to submerge
    You send three flawless words in which I immerge"

    ^^I didn't like the use of "you" here...maybe: Sending three flawless words in which I immerge?

    "Lost in your dark eyes with no way out of this maze
    Clouds of lust roll in covering us in a poetic haze"

    ^^Favourite lines of the piece, these are just beautiful.

    "Fate is coloring my life with rainbows and glitter
    Years of endless searching, I finally found my answer"

    ^^I love the imagery within the first line, however I didn't like the rhyimg, up until now the rhyme has been perfect and it falters here which threw me a little.

    "Shrouded under the mist letting our lips eclipse
    Caressing skin to skin, decoding body scripts

    Waking up weak in your arms under a starry night
    Infatuation so strong, unable to resist or fight"

    ^^I really enjoyed the emotion and depth within these lines, they are easily felt and left me with such a sweet feeling.

    "Clear interpretations, giving in to sweet temptation
    Writing a million phrases, inspired by our creation"

    ^^This is a beautiful way to wrap this piece up..

    I am left speechless with this piece, apart from the minor two things I pointed out, I found this to be perfect.

    The flow is flawless throughout, rolls right of the tongue, while the imagery, wording, and content all melt together to create a beautiful read.

    You can always tell when a collab is good when you can't tell who wrote which part, as is the case here.

    I hope to see more of you two in the future.

  • 10 years ago

    by LoreNz0

    A true pleasure to read, the scene flows softly from the readers mouth and unfolds wounderfully in front of them. ther choice of wards was really good but a bit simple at times. all in all a real good poem =) credit to the writers

  • 10 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    Very well done
    These cupleets blend well to describe a Poetic Transaction