Comments : Artwork {a city's masterpiece}

  • 14 years ago

    by Hallo A Lilium

    Bravo first off. You have a way with words. And so elegantly portraying each rhyme with a rhythm. I can practically hear a tenor. Some bass and the blues singing songs of life. A masterpiece indeed. Sometimes cities hold so much freedom. You described the shoes and the leather jackets. I presume this is not in the modern day era. Or perhaps it is.
    But i fancy myself in belief of the fifties. The skirts with poodles on them. Aka poodle skirts. Those days were supposed to be decadent and joyful. The city lights dancing off the streets. Drowning in the nighttime beats. Can just taste the coca cola floats. And the music of Sam Cooke's song "Cupid" or Roy Orbisons "Blue Angel". Beautiful piece again my dear. Excellent structure and form. A melody in itself.
    *applauds*
    5/5

    -Lilium

  • 14 years ago

    by xLeftxBehindx

    For the limited 50 words you did an amazing job! You brought the average city into a beautiful image! Great poem like many of yours! Keep it up!

  • 14 years ago

    by Spirit

    I love the images that worked their way into my head as I read this poem. The things you described remind me of new york and makes me want to go back as soon a possible.

    The second stanza wasn't as powerful as the first in my opinion but when you open a poem in such a strong way it gets hard to increase the power. If that makes since.

    Anyway I love this poem and I want to know how you did in the contest.

  • 14 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    "Graffiti walls and makeup dolls
    High heel shoes and singing blues
    Concrete ground; a world of sound
    Souls are broken, hearts are found"

    ^^I love how you open your poems, they are always so beautifully written and filled with so much meaning. The last line in particular really stood out to me and captured my attention, I found it to be the strongest line of the poem.

    "Leather jackets, summer skirts
    Laughter's voice and tears that hurt
    An open room; a city's release
    The colours of a masterpiece"

    ^^The imagery you create here is beautifully portrayed and creates such vivid pictures in my mind, while at the same time your closing lines are just beautiful, written so elegantly.

    I thought this was a wonderful poem and I applaud you for being able to write a piece so beautifully and filled with meaning in so few words.

  • 14 years ago

    by deadly sun

    Great poem, created a perfect picture in my head while at the same time the way nothing was to detailed allowed my mind to wander on its own path.
    i agree with spirit but still agree that you've done a great job on this one

  • 14 years ago

    by ether

    I don't really have much to say on this one, other than I don't think I could have explained the city as well as you have here. You included nearly everything that is found in a city in such a simple and poetic way.
    If you didn't win that contest then it must have been a genius.

    The rhyme in this also suited the poem, it made it quirky and fun while not losing the meaning in the words. "Makeup dolls" is a great phrase, too.

    Fantastic poem, 5/5