What a great poem.
the thing about you, is that you love to add colors in your poem..that is very original =)
smooth amethyst sentences
mate with boneless words;
Amazing imagery..truly loved it.
Write on :]
11 years ago
by The Prince
You've certainly acquired a technique in your writing that's somewhat recognisable in how you form your lexis.
'Bare feet carved lullabies
for your thunderstorms-'
I liked the slight contrast between 'lullabies' and 'thunderstorms', both giving different imagery to the reader. I was left wondering if 'carved' was the right verb to follow 'bare feet', just because the connotations of carve lead to images of bark, or stone. Just thinking if it's fitting.
'smooth amethyst sentences
mate with boneless words;'
Loved the descriptions here - 'boneless words', as if they have no structure? Not sure what the 'amethyst' represents though - as it's a particular stone you've mentioned, perhaps purple is significant somehow? I'm not sure.
What I got from this bit is that your imagination puts what was once 'dribble' or any form of incoherent thought into something readable? I was hoping for something else that delved into that but:
'motionless in your arms,
I beg for oxygen.'
This threw me off a bit. I was thinking that it must relate back to the first couplet but I had no idea what the significance of oxygen was. I actually have no idea if any of my interpriations are correct or not haha! I like trying to uncover your words though.
'Ardent, the world we weaved,
succumbs to the lyrics of frost.'
I got from this another reference to the imagination? Just 'weaved' and 'we', possibly referring to writers?
I enjoyed the read; as always and thanks for sharing!
In every sentence, you use a word that fits so well. The entire piece was beautiful, though. I am still amazed as to how good a poet you are---great, even! You inspire me to make my works better, and that truly is something not every poet can accomplish. :) You do it very well, and I am so glad you are able to share your works with this community! :) Way to go!!!
Bare feet carved lullabies
-- Loved the opening line here. I reminded me of babies. I guess because of the bare feet and lullibies. It's almost peaceful, and I would say innocent, but the word "carved" is far from innocent. It's kind of a harsh word, but I loved the use of it there.
for your thunderstorms-
-- Now that was wow, because first you have the peacefulness, and them "thunderstorms" which are wild and chaotic.
I beg for oxygen.
-- I love this line. I think it's the one that stood out to me the most. It's like you're begging to live.
succumbs to the lyrics of frost.
-- Very powerful ending in my opinion. I've always thought of winter and "frost" as a kind of musical thing if that makes sense. So I love that you put the word "lyrics" with it. Even though lyrics is a little over used, I think it was a very good word choice. So great job. :]
Its been a very long time since I've read your poems and it surprises me profoundly to realize just how much I've missed reading them. The way your words leaves a haunting impression and how your imagination ventures into places some people can never find, draws me to read more of your writings.
With just the intriguing title of this poem, you lead me to reading this impeccably flawless poem.
"Bare feet carved lullabies"
This first line gives me shivers of anticipation. I can't even begin to describe how profound and beautifully odd this sentence sounds. An invisible image that is brilliantly put into words.
"mate with boneless words"
Another magnificient line, carved from your quaint imagery. These words made me realize that there is so much brilliance to discover and create in imagination.
motionless in your arms"
These lines radiate resplendence. I wonder what was on your mind when you were writing this poem.