Comments : Hell Returned

  • 14 years ago

    by H E Losey

    This seems a good breakout from your "block". I would like to see a bit more consistent metre to improve the flow.
    This would be easy in most cases by either a slight rearrangement of wording or dropping a superfluous word.

  • 14 years ago

    by Lady Nik

    Sadness burning inside me,
    Hell, I have returned
    The darkness is inside
    I'm continually burned

    (Wow very strong start. i love the imagery)

    Do you remember me
    I knew you so well
    so many memories
    My own personal hell

    (I love this part, i feel like i'm with you, nice)

    I remember how you embraced me
    When I had no where to stay
    No one else was there
    Even as i was on my knees to pray

    (great flow and diction here)

    My feelings never went numb
    They just burned in your flames
    Hatred and jealousy
    Those were my favorite games

    (i think this stanza is my favortie..very emotional and deep)

    I left you to follow a narrow path
    Its a lonely one, the trail
    Full of honesty and light
    I prefer the road full of betrayal

    (great, you have a real gift for words)

    Some one once said
    All i needed was strength
    But I want to depend on depression
    My weakness is full of length

    (nice, love the imagery)

    So here I come
    Running back to your fiery arms
    Let them burn my flesh off
    Your black eyes have such a devilish charm

    (Wow, great personification)

    People don't understand
    Why things are wrong in their lives
    When you embrace the hell
    You let sadness thrive

    (this is so true..love it)

    Will you join me
    To see the end of your life
    To see all the struggle of pain
    and hurt along with strife

    This was a really great poem. i loved everything about it. the concept was great too. keep it up. Shanik

  • 14 years ago

    by Clown

    Truely beautiful poem, it was delicate way of expressing pain. Very dark and gave remnaces of Edgar A Poe. dont know if that was intenional or not, but it was beautiful. I hold sympathy for you, i know what its like to feel like no one is there. Remember these words if you take nothing else from me has a person. No one is meant to suffer forever, we are all meant to be happy. Always drive on and always work for your own satisfaction first.

  • 14 years ago

    by sweet escape

    I love the power of your pain and despair.
    i can feel the pain as i read the poem
    i can see the hate and need of this feeling
    i love it
    great job
    5/5

  • 14 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    I liked the whole poem but these are my favorite lines
    People don't understand
    Why things are wrong in their lives
    When you embrace the hell
    You let sadness thrive

    it is so true

  • 12 years ago

    by StormyStar

    Wow so great :) so deep