Comments : Live your life.

  • 15 years ago

    by BlueEyedMystery

    Humor and personality
    security and fresh minds
    bubbly and happy
    smiling and sad.
    -- I don't really get this stanza. Why were you just listing emotions? I don't think it's a great way to begin a poem. You've got to draw in the reader's attention.

    air like a new life
    tracks through fields like searching
    jumping to reach.
    -- I don't really get this one either, but I definitely liked it better. Especially the first line. I've never thought of comparing air to new life.

    falling to land
    running to end
    breathing to glide
    -- Not bad.. but I just keep thinking there should be more to the poem. I like that you didn't come right out and say what it was about, but then again I think there should be some better hints on what it's about. Maybe I think you're trying to say that everything ends.. Hmm..

    a feeling like a new person as entered
    a life of a meaning a feeling.
    a mind which will tell your future.
    -- Way too many "a's" I think. Try to take some out you reall don't need all of them. Try wording it different... I was reeaally hoping for a stronger ending. You've got to leave the reader with something, and I just didn't get that from this poem. Maybe it's just me. Probably.

    Anyways, I like your title, because it helped me understand a little more on what the poem was about. Just living your life and don't let anything hold you back. Good message. :]

    Sorry if that seemed harsh. Didn't mean for it to.

    Keep writing.

    Cayce