Forever i shall stay for them

How they continue to put up with me,
I really don't understand,
All i seem to do is hurt them,
Even though i don't mean to,
It's always those i love the most,
That i hurt the most,
And those who are just beginning to get to know me,
Who see the devil inside of me,
If only i could just let it go,
Set it free,
Then i could be a better me,
I would never hurt them,
Never cause them stress or make them cry,
Would always be there to make sure they are OK,
For the world is what they mean to me,
And i don't let them see that,
I let the devil get the best of me,
While it also destroys them,
I try to be stronger but can't,
Know things can only go one of two ways now,
If i force myself to be stronger will i continue to hurt them,
The other option may hurt them more now but not later on,
My mind doesn't have the power anymore,
To know i am safe for sure,
I want to be so I'm here for them,
Hospital is a option to me for I've been there before,
If i force myself through then maybe only I'll suffer,
The pain that continues to develop and destroy,
Will that way eventually end the same as option two anyway,
Is it worth giving it a go?

With all this misery can determination beat it,
Can i really be that strong,
Be there for them all the time,
Not have to have them fear i won't be around,
Can i have some form of normal life,
Or will the devil steal me and take me for good,
Decision needs to be made fast,
Fast isn't easy with a frozen mind,
When I'm here alone i struggle to find the belief,
The power that i need is all but gone,
Thinking of them i try to breathe,
No matter what i do i still can't help but worry about them,
Maybe they really do need me but then maybe they'll be OK.

Phone rings wonders if that's a sign,
Along with messages at 3am,
I know now what i have to do,
Don't know how i can do it,
But i have the will to find a way,
Got to get through the devil for them,
For they mean too much to me to let go,
I'm needed too much at times here,
To just go disappear,
Can't find the answers on how to survive,
Just know i need to now,
This battle won't be easy,
But i need to win it,
Without putting strain on them,
Will this determination be enough,
To keep me here for those i love?

(this probably won't make sense to most, but this is more a reminder to me not to let myself give up on everything)