Sapphire Like Smile

by tigerdan   May 1, 2009


Sapphire like smile
Lights my heart on fire

Inspire my imagination
With your sweet whispers of desire

Shine your beauty
Upon my soul for eternity

Caress my thoughts gently
Like a smooth silky dress

Gaze into my eyes
With a wonderful Glaze

Open your heart to me
And let your love be free

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  • 14 years ago

    by Nee

    "Sapphire like smile
    Lights my heart on fire

    Inspire my imagination
    With your sweet whispers of desire"
    -I liked the first line as a beginning, though it could've been better. I find it interesting that you actually rhymed three words together, not two, "fire" and "desire, and I guess you rhymed "inspire" spontaneously :) .
    The last line I would remove the word "sweet" from it, for it flaws the syllable count..and it's not very necessary to the line.

    "Shine your beauty
    Upon my sole for eternity"
    - Did you mean "soul" ? because I kind of think that "sole" isn't the right word here.

    -The ending was a bit cliche, you could've ended it in a better catchy way..See that's why I don't usually read love poems here..try to invent something new in the closure.

    Other than that I see the poem good, you need some strong wording, but your writing wasn't at all bad :)
    Write on~