Honestly, I can't believe no one has commented on this one yet. It's absolutely beautiful, even though it's sad. It's hard to make poems flow so well when the lines are long (at least for me), but you accomplished this perfectly. I love this poem. Great work. :)
Wow you really tugged at the heart strings! in a phenomenal way though i mean the words you used were heart wrenching and effective i hope that you dont really feel this way and that there is someone helping you or letting you vent to them! my favorite part was this:
"She hides so very well, the hurt she feels within,
The cuts are so deep inside her heart, instead of on her skin"
i thought it was original i mean so many poems talk about cutting and you made it seem fresh and revived (weird words for this poem i know lol) but i think you did a great job!
Woah, this was an amazing poem, it amade me cry, the words were so strong and powerful, you portrayed your emotions very well, i loved the rhyming. very sad poem, but it was a incredible write.
pm me anytime if you would liek to talk btw.
10 years ago
by My Name Is Mouse
Aw babe. this is really sad. tears came to my eyes. i know and yes i know how you feel. :( things will get harder before they get better but we can get through this.
i love you well done gorgeous. xxxx
love you. kels xx
Forming a staircase deeper into hell.
- if you take out deeper it would flow better .
And yet she always must feel, like a piece of dirt.
- this line really throws off the flow , and I would personally rewrite it . Iwould also end the poem with the last four lined stanza and take out the other two .. But that's your disgretion . Still a 5/5 , very well done .