Comments : Fallen

  • 14 years ago

    by Cindy

    Nitin
    What a dark intense write. The imagery is great and so are your word choices.

    Lush garden behind the church
    Moonlight ensures every move made
    Echoing thoughts of consequences
    Once again the voice within fades

    The setting here is spine chilling. The darkness and the moonlight shining down bringing a eerie glow on things.

    Memories wrapped in needles
    Like my golden wedding ring
    Box with collection of tears
    Safely in hands of suffering

    This is such a sad stanza. Like the vows you said mean nothing anynore. Just pain and heartache now closed in a little box.

    Surrendering religion with shame
    Digging deep as if for treasure
    Hiding my thoughts down below
    Falling in the name of pleasure

    You have really painted a picture with your words for the readers mind.

    Serpents won't starve tonight
    As its time to wait for rain
    Nightmares don't come to dead
    Finally church consumes my pain

    What a sad and painful end.

    Excellent!
    Love Cindy

  • 14 years ago

    by Sylvia

    Powerful and intense words you have written. I take away from this that you have lost your way from your faith. Well done.

  • 14 years ago

    by Sourav

    Seems you've written a my kind of poem! :)
    Well, I enjoyed it so much! We keep falling in the name of pleasure. It's so true! I really wonder how long we will be?

    Surrendering religion with shame
    Digging deep as if for treasure
    Hiding my thoughts down below
    Falling in the name of pleasure

    Wonderful stanza! Loved it! Fantastic poem!

  • 14 years ago

    by shobhana kumar

    Wow, Nitin

    this is deep, very deep in meaning and you have drawn wonderful parallels

  • 14 years ago

    by shobhana kumar

    Wow, Nitin

    this is deep, very deep in meaning and you have drawn wonderful parallels. well done!!

  • 14 years ago

    by Dreamofolwin

    A deep poem, lol. To me the imagery and choice of words really conveyed a deep sadness within the heart of this poem. A powerful write.

  • 14 years ago

    by Ariana

    I think I may have read this piece in a different way than was intended which, I think it good because it is ambiguous and not so blatant. I particularly like the word choice, that you have used 'common' language/words and worked to entwine them to create a poetic piece.