You are extremely talented with the way you put the words to help the reader visualize what you are thinking as you write it. you should be more confident you write well.

The descriptive words are very nicely played out, and the imagery is perfect in this poem. All together, you did a nice job wirting this one!

Nik I ended up reading this after commenting on a poem by Melissa Hana I never read the comments on a poem as you tend to go with their flow if you are not careful.
And we both seemed to pick up on most of the same mistakes or what I thought were mistakes- I am a great believer in poetic license.

I digress, an excellent poem especially as you apologise for nature not being your forte.
I try to find something to help but you obviously edited this very well if not you have a great future as a poet. Worth 5/5 Ray S

First of all dont put something at the bottom of your poem commenting on your own piece, let people comment themselves.

'Sunshine breaks through the violet curtains
that covers my window
and whispers in my ear.'
`I think shorter lines work better, a mixture of long lines and short ones will through off your flow in a snap. So maybe do it like this;

"Sunshine breaks through
the violet curtains
that covers my window
and whispers in my ear.'
`Look how neat that is and how it even has a nice flow to it?

'It's a new day, no longer dawn, time to breathe.
I find my lungs hidden beneath so much pain,
and beg them to breathe again.'
`Didnt like your repetition of breathe at all.. it didnt work here..your format is really long lines again then a short-ish one.. try to break them up somehow to make the poem look more neat and flow nicely.
`On another note though I did love these lines loved how you said you begged your lungs to breathe, that was unique.. loved your usage of 'begged' here.

'The tearful tune that was once a meaningful melody
starts up again inside my soul'
`Very well done.. love the alliteration of 'tearful tune' and' 'meaningful melody' they went well together.. :]
I would still try and break up your lines.. cause they are kind of longer than they need to be.

'let these music notes dance their way through my life
warming me like a sunny day.'
`What a beautiful ending.. loved the way you worded this.. so peaceful.

Well done!
Although it may seem like I gave you loads of critique, I thought it was a very great poem, just needed to be broke up into smaller lines.

:]
5/5.

"I find my lungs
hidden beneath so much pain,
and beg them to breathe again.
Slowly but steadily they obey."

This was a strong part.. i loved it!
keep your great work up!

It like ur pulling the curtains bak so the sun can flood the room, and then its like your ready to feel the pain? Thts the sense i got from it and i liked it :)

Wow, the imagery you mixed into this was unbelievable. The beautiful metaphors were able to paint a beautiful picture in my mind. The flow was superb, and you were even able to mix in emotions.

"Take me music
to nowhere land
let these music notes
dance their way through my life
warming me like a sunny day."

^This ending really stood out for me, and was wonderfully written. The metaphors were completely original (in my opinion) and you were able to incoperate a sunny day in your emotions. Usually, people use a sunny day to explain something beautiful outside, or a painful story and how the world remains uneffected. You didn't exaclt do that though, you changed it a little bit so it was more fresh, but nonetheless very beautiful. (;

Wow this poem is really beautiful it gave me inspiration to love life more... you are a woonderfull writer

Its okay.. I couldve written it better.. lol.. just kidding shanik.. really well put together.. somethings i think couldve been mixed around.. but all in all it is still good to read..

Very uplifting.... I want to go to music land too. lol
nice poem.

This is okay. I think it's a well-written piece but just not for me. Personally I don't like poems about nature or life and what not. But it has a nice flow to it, though some parts could be a little better. I think the flow was thrown off a little by the length of the lines. Good job.

Soda E>.

A nice uplifting piece, good job Ray

I really liked your poem here - mainly because it wasn't all bathed in complicated structure and just came out all over the place and landed in all the right places. I also liked the non rhyming theme - I always enjoy those the most. I haven't had a rhyming poem in years. Anyways I look forward to reading more of your works. Bravo on this one!!!

Sorry again that it has taken so long,
hope its worth it. ;P

"Sunshine breaks"
`I must admit I don't really like the use of "breaks" here, it just doesn't do it justice. You're writing a poem about how the sunny day is a positive thing yet breaks is too harsh. Maybe try something along the lines of "splits" or if you want it a little different maybe "schisms" because it creates a nice flow of sibilence also which wouldn't be bad! (:

I quite liked how you went that step further and used "violet curtains" instead of just "curtains", it creates a real image. Nice work.

"It's a new day,
no longer dawn,
time to live."
`Well, considering the flow is quite snappy and short I think your punctuation could use a little snap to it. So maybe get rid of a comma and throw in "--" or ";" to create a dramatic pause?
Ex:
"It's a new day,
no longer dawn--
time to live."
That way "time to live" has so much more meaning, really stands out as the main point of the poem.

"I find my lungs
hidden beneath so much pain[,] <- not needed.
and beg them to breathe again."
`My favourite piece of this poem. Perfect. Beneath, Beg, Breathe..it just creates a musical quality. Get rid of the comma though, it throws the flow off.

"Take me music"
`While I loved the idea, I wasn't too fond of how you phrased it. It just sounds awkward, and then you repeat "music" which threw me off. Hmmm. I'm not sure how you could rephrase it though.
"Music, take me now
to nowhere land
let these notes"
I dunno, just a suggestion? :/

Sidenote--
I quite liked your usage of Enjambment throughout the poem, its the kind of flow I really look for in a poem so kudas for that.

(:

Overall, well done.

I needed to read something uplifting, bright and happy and this poem certainly did the trick. Thank you.