'This constant breathing
through itchy lungs,'
`Well done with these lines; you can tell that youre extremely irritated [hence itchy lungs] original lines. :)

'Bang bang blast'
`Maybe put a exclimation point after this line or put the words in bold, because it should stand out, at least I think so, you should emphasize it

'Slash slash scream'
`Maybe you should emphasize these too?

'Red falls from many slits
I can't get out of this.'
`Red is a bit simple, but its better than using crimson.. maybe try something else.. dark scarlet?

Wow.. what a sad write.. so sad and chilling to the bone, gives the reader goosebumps.. well done though dear!

5/5.

Wow this was amazing. i love how the first and the last lines of the stanzas were the same. it worked really well

I can't take it anymore.
This constant breathing
through itchy lungs,
thick blood flowing
to places it doesn't belong.
I wish I had a gun
just this one time.
Bang bang blast
brains on the floor
I can't take it anymore.

wow this was my favorite stanza

Oh my good lord
i am in love with this
poem
like i think my eyes came alittle hah
"Slash! Slash! Scream!
Scarlet drops from many slits"
BEAUTIFUL!!!!
"Hang! Hang! Help!
I'm swinging up so high
I've always wanted to fly"
PERFECTION!!!!!

this piece is amazing like seriously
if i could nominate any poems this week
this one would be one for sure!!!!

like seriously reading this poem
made me come alive
i know it is very sad
but the sadness and self loathing seeping from it all that emotion
it was magical :D
great piece :D

Keenan

I reckon everybody eventually finds themselves in a hole when it comes to life - I've moved on up and out of mine but this poem reminded me of back in the day ---- Very well written with lots of creativity. I think description validates a great poem compared to a normal poem - you had a lot of that so props!

5/5 -- Don't know when it was posted but I'll nominate it

Peace!

I love this poem because right now i feel as if i can relate to each line

This shows your range of talent. You're creative and full of imagination. I liked this poem yet it lacked a certain dazzle your other had. But still well done
:] Keep up the good work and I'll keep reading

It make me want to read more i love it :)