Comments : Confusion.

  • 14 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    First to comment, yes!

    "Confusion is impossible
    for me to digest; each
    serving leads to an uneasy
    feeling in my stomach;"

    I like how you worded all of this, and related it to digesting and the servings, that was very clever in my mind Temps. This was unique and clearly stated your feelings.

    "making me want to purge
    it out of my system before
    it's vile zest lingers on
    my taste buds..."

    Great wording, very descriptive and gives me a clear idea of your wish. I like how you used "zest", I don't hear that often.

    "yet--it's always too late;
    for it has already latched
    itself onto my tongue;"

    I loved that word "latched", that gave off much imagery and it was creative to say that it already latched on your tongue.

    "It's potent flavor gagging
    me with its grasp; I'm ill
    and my world has
    begun spirling in infinite
    circles;"

    Wow, I am blown away. I knew you could write a poem, this does not seem forced at all, its just as good as your recent ones. Great word usaged here "gagging", "potent", "infinite". Wow, not much more I can say.

    "there is no definite
    direction--and I am blinded
    as to where I'm going."

    This was very powerful and struck the reader, it gives such hopelessness and well, confusion off to the reader.

    "Will someone help?"

    Perfect ending, I love love love poems that end with questions! And this was perfect because you really showed how desperate you were, how you just need help.

    5/5 from me, this was amazing Temps, I am nominating this after Monday for sure.

    Take care and God Bless!

    ~MaryAnne

  • 14 years ago

    by Ingrid

    Temps,

    I am not going to break this one down, just comment.

    You worded this feeling really well, how confusion creeps up on you, like a creature from hell.
    I know this emotion all too well and it has gotten worse since I joined the virtual world a few years ago.
    So many things are not what they seem and often information that comes in is totaly contrary, leaving you to doubt all you though you knew for sure.
    You can never be sure of anything and especially in this surrounding one could easily get confused.
    Best is not to go into things too deep and focus on your future, ( real life ) friends and your goals..that is what I am doing;)

    Good job on portraying your emotions:)

    *hugs*

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 14 years ago

    by Sylvia

    Confusion overtakes all of us at one time or another in our lives. With time, we can sort it out. Your ending question can be answered as a no, it is something you have to do for yourself. Others may listen and give advice but the answers have to come from within because you are the only person that really knows you. Well done.

  • 14 years ago

    by ASPHYXIATED

    Told ye confusion makes excellent poetry!
    I loved this one.

    "Confusion is impossible
    for me to digest;"
    `I found your use of ";" here unnecessary, a simple coma would create a much better pause and save the dramatic pauses for more dramatic sentances in my opinion. Especially as you followed it with another, which took away the affect.
    BUT-- Oh my oh my. I loved your opening line.
    Its like a perfect quote that makes you have smile and half think. I also loved how you used "digest" and then ran with it.

    "before
    it's vile zest lingers on
    my taste buds..."
    `Vivid. Fricken vivid. I see the literal sense of you feeling sick to the stomach because you're so confused, but also the metaphorical because you hate confusion so much the thought alone would make you really to vomit.
    Some people don't like such vivid, vile images in poetry because the expect it to be sweet and soft but you're just showing you can do everything, which I admire. Well flipping done. (:

    Just a side note--
    Be very carefull where you use a semicolon because it dominates the flow completely. If you over use it your poem will lose the smooth, steady flow a reader is looking for.
    Read through your poem and think about pauses in your head, for a dramatic long pause use the semi but for the usual conversational pause just use a basic coma.

    Ex:
    "
    yet--
    it's always too late;
    for it has already latched
    itself onto my tongue,
    it's potent flavor gagging
    me with its grasp. I'm ill
    and my world has
    begun spirling in infinite
    circles; there is no definite
    direction--and I am blinded
    as to where I'm going. "

    Just an opinion for the flow.
    Now back to the poem--

    "gagging
    me with its grasp"
    `Holy snickers. I loveeee that phrase. Its great.
    Its like you get a knot in your throat from the sudden confusion, which is exactly what happens but wow, you made it your own; showed us how YOU experience it. Perfect.

    One more side note--
    You've used "it" quite a good bit,
    it works for most parts but also creates a slight tongue twister flow to it at points. Be carefull.

    The ending was great, a simple question to conclude a confused poem. Beautiful.

    Well done, hun.

    (:

  • I like this poem. 5/5. i understand about the whole confused situation. it takes time to figure everything out and put it back into order.

    its good how you used confusin as an inspiration. many people cant pull it off but you did.

    great job.

  • 14 years ago

    by Lady Nik

    Grr I'm kinda late on this one lol

    Confusion is impossible
    for me to digest; each
    serving leads to an uneasy
    feeling in my stomach,

    *Wow...very clever idea. I would never have thought to relate my stomach with confusion. Wow...good thinking Temps ^.^*

    making me want to purge
    it out of my system before

    *Hmmm I didn't like how this line flowed into the next. I would maybe say "making me want to purge-- just to get it out of my system. That sounds better to me. Other than that I like what you are saying. I can see how the confusin affects you*

    it's vile zest lingers on
    my taste buds...

    *Love this part...flawless...wow Temps...great stuff ^.^*

    yet--it's always too late;
    for it has already latched
    itself onto my tongue,

    *Wow...what a deep image that is! Very poweful words hun. I can feel what your feeling...kinda creepy lol*

    It's potent flavor gagging
    me with its grasp; I'm ill
    and my world has
    begun spirling in infinite
    circles; there is no definite
    direction--and I am blinded
    as to where I'm going.

    Will someone help?

    *Wow..I keeo saying that but really...WOW. This was soooo good Temps. I realy loved how you wrote this. I think this is your best work yet. I loved it...amazing. Keep it up hun. You rule ^.^ Nik*