Comments : Distractions

  • 10 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "Distractions constantly find their way to me
    As my head becomes overly messy with confusion
    Anonymous forces lure me close to you
    Startled by my sudden peace of mind"

    I love this opening, great wording that pulls the reader into your thoughts. My only suggestion would be to change "overly messy" to "overly crowded", to me it would sound a lot better.

    "I believe your presence is my cure
    Clearing out my many interruptions
    Breaking down each little disturbance
    Until I collapse into serenity"

    Well-expressed, this was just beautiful.

    "My heart has fully latched on
    To your significantly appealing charm
    Concerns evaporate into thin air
    As soon as your arms weave around me"

    Your wording here is fantastic, I love "latched", "evaporate", and "weave". Brilliant job so far.

    "The cloudiness of my overflowing thoughts
    Has started to fade in a leisurely manner
    Just a single peek is all it can take
    To speed up that process instantly"

    This is a very interesting write that clearly expresses your thoughts and feelings.

    "Days have now been without haziness
    I am able to aim my attention fully at you
    My mind has been unloaded of uncertainty
    Struggles remain to be barren all over"

    Great flow here and I love "unloaded of uncertainty". This is very different of a write compared to others of you, I love how you experimented and you just went beyond what was to be expected.

    "You brought me back into perfect clarity
    Packing up my doubts and driving them away
    Reclaiming my sanity from where it had been
    Showing me I was the dilemma all along"

    I loved the last line, that really struck the reader.

    Excellent work, this was a joy to read.

    ~MaryAnne