Comments : Picking the Lock.-Free Verse

  • 15 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "You can be so cold"

    This first line didn't really strike me or bring me into this piece, I found it to be a little plain, it didn't pull me in.

    "Boldly going where you've been
    Countless times before"

    I loved this wording here, and although it was only two lines it had me reading on.

    "It's time for a change
    Stasis does not suit you, my dear
    All energy wasted constructing intangible walls"

    This was brilliant, the wording and meaning was immense and the imagery came alive. I loved that last line the best, it made me read it over again, I just loved how you expressed yourself and what you wrote here.

    "Without machine
    Without power other than my own"

    I would suggest making "machine" plural, to me it would sound better, just my opinion.

    "I will destroy these walls
    I will love you
    I will suffer and I will sacrifice"

    Second line: I would maybe add "unconditionally" after "you", just add more.

    Otherwise, this was good.

    "Whatever it takes to secure your freedom"

    I liked the usage of "secure" here, it was used well.

    "Whatever it takes to pick the lock on your cage
    And though I may wonder, "How did you ever get there?"
    I won't turn my back as you walk astray "

    Great ending, it left me satisfyed. This was a beautiful write, much talent you hold, never let go of that.

    5/5 from me, keep writing..

    Take care and God Bless you, Child of God!

    ~MaryAnne