Comments : Shadows of the Night

  • 10 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    I would like to say first I was really surprised and excited to read a new one from you, a nature one too.

    "Lingering anticipation escapes from my vulnerable grasp
    Building up the impatience that crawls within me
    Favorable conditions creep up without any sign of warning
    Cloaking our minds in the twilight that is becoming near"

    Loved the detail you go into here, the power of your words are clearly shown, excellent opening!

    "Awaiting the fresh breath of night as it descends closer
    Disguising ourselves with the bright light of the moon
    Feeling an emotion that begins to consume my every move
    The growing infatuation I have for you becomes known"

    I really like the wording, it holds much meaning and explains all you feel and think to the reader.

    "My heart has fearlessly begun to light up like a match
    Catching on to a nearby spark that ignites into flames
    The dark shadows of the night dance across the ground
    We follow there lead using the fireflies as our guiding light"

    This was so unique, the scene described is lovely, more like a fantasy to me. My favorite part was the last line, "we follow there lead using the fireflies as our guiding light", what beauty!

    Only thing I could find is this: "there" should be "their".

    "Soft melodies echo through the clean, soft autumn breeze
    My eyes have now adjusted to the pitch-black scenery
    The brightness of the stars above keep me occupied for hours
    Unable to release my gaze for even the smallest second"

    Wonderfully displayed emotions here...

    "Your appearance against the newly painted morning sky
    Excites my very core and I fall into serenity
    As night fall starts to reappear itself again all too secretly
    The beats of my weakened heart start to come irregularly"

    This has to be my favorite stanza, my goodness, you have really impressed me!

    I loved how you said, "the newly painted morning sky", and "excited my very core", wow!

    "Carefully we move our hands in quiet rhythms simultaneously
    Speaking in silent tones in words only we can comprehend
    Darkness has fallen over us yet again and we have called it home
    Our feet have now mastered the dance from the shadows of the night"

    The last two lines were absolutely brilliant. "our feet have now mastered the dance from the shadows of the night", my all-time favorite line, this was so mystical and breathtaking, truly it was.

    5/5 from me, you have really improved in your writing and this is your best, it shows your whole talent and I hope others will get a chance to read this gem. I am nominating it, you deserve it.

    I hope you have a successful week and hopefully we will see each other soon!

    Take care.

    ~MaryAnne

  • 10 years ago

    by Ingrid de Klerck

    Well, altough this is posted in the nature section, I feel it's also a love poem.
    This is very well written, good meter and rhyme...

    Carefully we move our hands in quiet rhythms simultaneously
    Speaking in silent tones in words only we can comprehend
    Darkness has fallen over us yet again and we have called it home
    Our feet have now mastered the dance from the shadows of the night

    ^^
    This had such a sensual touch to it.

    Really nice, a pleasure to read:)

    Take care,

    5/5 Ingrid