A struggle for Love

Life started rough for me as a little girl, I had to be a grown up in a grown ups world
at a young age I was exposed to so much, rape, drugs and a struggle for love
To look in the mirror was no easy task, I saw someone who was hated, a mistake, who was never thought of
I had to learn the hard way about what it took to survive, it was killing me slowly on the inside
everyone looked past all of my fears, there was never protection only innocent tears
to be 8 years old and cry yourself to sleep, wondering, scared and afraid of who would visit me in the sheets
would it be daddy this time, or maybe his friend, the uncle who threatened my life or the one who said he was my friend?
lying in a pool of blood I wake, this time I felt more than pain, I felt hate
how does a child numb her pain, or tell her Daddy she didn't want to play his game
how does she cope, how does she make it through, broken on the inside and on the out she's black and blue.
teenage years come quickly, childhood forgotten, blocked, not worth the memory
outlets of escape become apparent, do I take the drugs just like my parents?
Is this what was used to numb daddy's heart, when I was 8 and he spread my legs apart?
If it works that well, to where you can rape your baby and not even care
then count me in on the drugs, I'm ready, I'm there
tears form in puddles around my feet, why does it hurt so much, why did it have to be me
what did I do wrong, other than want to be loved, I was a kid, is that asking to much
oh drugs will you numb me please, take me out of my misery, just make me sleep
it doesn't matter my age nor place, there is always someone who mistreats me, who defeats me, who beats me
broken in spirit and physically battered, getting hit with his fist was better than raped by your father
every relationship every man in my life, they take advantage of my weakness and of my small size
I get hit and pushed they have even spit on my face, put boot prints on my ribs and cause scars that don't fade
again why does it have to be me, I am a person, I cry, I breathe, I bleed
all I want is to stand on my own two feet, to smile one day and not feel beat, to know inside my life means something
to be worth loving, by someone for something......