Oh, it's full with pain... Heart-touching work... and so many poeple related to this 4/5

Oh, it's full with pain... Heart-touching work... and so many poeple related to this 4/5

These marks I cannot show

*This would flow better if you changed "cannot" to "never"*

Up and down, side to side
Feel the pain deep inside

*I'd change these two lines to
"Up and down, back and forth
Feel the pain with no remorse"
that way you don't have to rhyme with side and inside.*

Dealing with my conflicts

*Instead of "my" I would just say "internal" that way it flows better. The "my" kind of slows down the flow.*

Bleed away my misery

*I think "bleed" shoud be "bleeding" that sounds better to me*

Dealing with my low esteem

*Once again the "my" slows down the flow. We know this is in first person so you really don't need the "my" at all*

Cutting at my heart once more

*I'd pick another word besides "cutting" so you don't have to say it twice in one stanza and three times in the whole piece*

This is my deadly sin
Cutting myself in half again

*I liked this ending. I'm sorry if I was picking at a lot of stuff. I just thought this was a really great poem that would be so much better with the little things taken care of. You have the sadness and emotional content so that's why this was so good. And being a cutter I know what this is like. Keep it up babe. Nik*

Even though the poem does jar a bit at times, its still a very emotional read. I truly felt what you were going through.

I love it... I can relate so much to this poem. <3 Good job!

Enormous feelings coming from this poem - very powerful. Good job

When I read poems with this depth of emotion, I don't care about flow, it just makes me feel like I need to hug you, and talk to you, and listen...because I know what you are talking about here, I understand it, I have felt it.

This is just true emotion that I can't critique