Intereresting write, I like how you use the time bomb as a metaphor for your breath. Ticking it's way down, but however I feel that you should elaborate more on why you feel that your life is ticking and what lead you to be in that position. The ending was alright with me as you see the reflection of yourself of what you've become, but I like a mention earlier perhaps you could feed the readers with more deatail on how or what lead you to be in that position. Keep on writing;)

Good but its almost like your writing a story that you just broke up into smaller lines. in poems you need a lot of detail and you need to condense your writing and say a lot in only few words. remember pick a small moment in time and put it under a microscope and use good detail words to describe it.

This is sad :( But I loved this last sentence: Shortness of breath haunts me.

Very thought provoking as it can mean a lot.