This poem reflects just how painful rejection can be. The dark imagery really conveyed the empty feeling of having your heart broken
Any other beat or a simple rhyme scheme could only distract from that
I would not change a thing

Michael definitely took the words right out of my mouth...you described rejection very well. ...its a terrible feeling and very sad that people have to even go through ..I love when poems start out with a qoute by the way..it prepares me to read a story. i love it

Ugh!! rejection.. I loved the end, finishing in the first person, fab. You somehow portraited the hollow and bare act of ending a relationship. Very Very touching 110%

You did a great job with imagery in this write. Rejection is something that EVERYONE must face in this lifetime and this write is right on key with describing how it feels. The emotion was untouchable. Overall, very dark and true poem. 5/5.

An excellent poem filled with a sadness the we to often find in this wonderful life but time is the cure never linger step forward no matter how much it takes 5/5 Ray S

Wow, excellent poem, very deep and very touching.
great job

I know how this feels... my question for you is are you describing rejection when your first asked out or after you've been in a relationship a long time....? its amazing though....

That's really good. I like how you said she then said I at the end. xxx

Definately fineshed strong with this piece it was right to the point and the flow was good. Its a sad and lonely thing to be unwanted especially by the people you want most. Great work 5/5

I thought this was good but i also felt it was a little bit cliche. I mean there are lots of poems about lying and never waking up, and saying "she" and turning into "me". But the still some of the content of the poem was really good, and the flow was great. So i give it a 4/5