Comments : You Exist

  • 11 years ago

    by Burning Angel

    This is so inspirational. I love it, it is great and has so much meaning put into it!

  • 11 years ago

    by Kitty Kurse

    "And every choice you act in life
    affecting particles near by
    As if you are a shooting star,
    and as you walk you fly."

    I feel the ending threw off the flow to the poem but it was still a great write:)

  • 11 years ago

    by Xanthe

    Rhymes do restrict the deliverance of message. Still, this is a good piece. A little tweaks here and there would polish this piece such as:
    'And NOT against our fathers plan.'
    an apostrophe on fathers would be nice.
    I know you can find the other errors I've spotted. So, polish and make this a little cleaner.
    The capitalization on 'not' in the quoted line above was a nice touch in my opinion. I also like the punctuation and message, though it was a bit sarcastic in the beginning, it worked. As I've said in your previous work, it shows more of your humor; your personality, which is nice. Great job. Five :)
    -X

  • 11 years ago

    by L

    Every action has a reaction, that's what I understood as message wise, but in general, I feel like you are trying to say that because we exists it is that those actions have a reaction.. kind of like that.

  • 11 years ago

    by Illusion

    This is the first poem I read as I wake up, and its just what I want to read and how I want It to be. It seems u are talking about Jesus christ here, and I love the idea.. Excellence work.

  • 11 years ago

    by Paul Gondwe

    Its really true that how we act affects other things. Your poems are food for though, really mind provoking.