There is so much emotion in this poem. it is raw and in pain. That there is your ticket to a great poem. This poem is good, but unfortunately it has been written before, ones like it have been written before. . . not to belittle it at all, please don't think I am saying that! I mean. . . since similar topics have written about, so to make your poem great make it personal. accent and describe these events of those you miss, of your pa. Describe your situation, where are you thinking of this? In the grave yard? In your room at night? Outside in the rain? Around a group of people trying to smile? What time is it? what is causing you to remember everything? Make it a message of your life, of your story twisted with your feelings. . .

these feelings are raw and angry and you needed to express them with writing, or else the will consume you. Death is easy. . . its living with a desire to die that is hard. . . living on to touch the lives of someone else.

-hugs-