I am happy?

I am happy
thats all i can say
I'm not a lier
you made me this way

curled in a ball
fighting all that i have
spent time in the dark
on this long lonely path

curse words are said
venom in the words we say
believe my stupid voice
it don't matter anyway

wish i could cut
wish i had the balls
stable under pressure
tears flow waterfall

spit on this face
its not worth sh*t
copy me now
tamper this fit

cold black eyes
stand up my hair
find it in your heart
to know that I'm there

but you know that I'm not
and i know this too
i gave what i had
and now that were threw

I'm left with nothing
and nothing i will keep
stand trembling when awake
but peaceful in my sleep

i wish i could sleep forever
forever will be the day i die
hopefully that will be soon
cause i cannot live another night...