It a better piece, and I'm glad you filled out the story. At first, when I was reading the first couple of the new lines, I thought it was all just going to be sexual, but it didn't continue, and so I was glad.

Brad

P.S. Please comment and vote honestly on every poem that you read.

Beautifully written. I loved how well the words flowed :) great word choice as well!

Great work!

I like this, good flow :)