Comments : Sadness Along The Shores

  • 10 years ago

    by Cindy

    What a very sad piece you have penned. Love the metaphors you used. The imagery is wonderful. Letting the reader invision what you are seeing in your mind as you write.

    Yet my feelings against the subtle wind,
    stir with fear of some misfortune overtaking

    these wearied ships of my saddened heart.

    I love the way you ended the poem.
    Excellent job!
    Love Cindy

  • 10 years ago

    by RadianceInReverse

    Wow!! Talk about moving :) this poem is amazing :)

  • 10 years ago

    by Jad

    Nana, as ever you make even the smallest of a poem still breathtaking and beautiful like all your other poems. The message of this poems seems to introduce a sadness within yourself. I really like the emotions in this piece as they are straight forward and very sad. The structure was good and the flow was as well, which helped with the clarity of this poem making it easier to understand. I also like the way you describe everything. Making this piece filled with wonderful imagery that details everything happening around you or maybe even within you.

    "At the meeting of the shores
    where the sun kisses the
    sand-banks; warming the shallow waters."

    Though this was just a description I still found it to be very moving and very descriptive. It shows your talent again and even your creativity, coming up with things like this in your poems.

    All in all, I found this to be a release of emotions in a sort of way. Great job and keep writing.

  • 10 years ago

    by silvershoes

    This is beautiful. You took my breath away! I would not change a thing.

  • 10 years ago

    by The Prince

    Regarding change, I wouldn't change much except 'sun kisses' as it's a horrible nonsensical cliche. I don't really like the addition of 'sun' anyway. It's a poignant poem without the unneeded antithetical imagery.

    I love the last line.

    First line should be 'its' not 'it's' :)

  • 10 years ago

    by Sylvia

    An original idea, sailing within your sadness, that sadness tossed around by waves of the ocean, spreading the pain of that sadness yet your affection (I think) for someone or maybe the future still has hope. In the first verse, first line it's is the correct usage as you meant it to say it is. In line four of verse word its is the correct usage, it is does not work there.

    In the second verse, it feels to me as if something is missing or the verse is incomplete somehow. By adding a line, it then would be complete.

    At the meeting of the shores
    where the sun caresses the
    sandbanks warming the shallow waters,
    awaits optimism for the future.

    That added line would fit with the fear you express in verse three.

  • 10 years ago

    by Ingrid de Klerck

    I like this poem because it reminds me of my youth. I was always near the water, be it a river or the sea ( which is peculair because I nearly drowned at age 4) I so remember this:

    At the meeting of the shores
    where the sun caresses the
    sandbanks warming the shallow waters.

    How it felt to sit in such water, with my brother and play with our little buckets and shovels all day long:)

    This poem is rather sad and serious, but somehow it makes me feel good:)

    I hope your heart will not be sad forever;)


    5/5 Ingrid