Last Night

by Dontay   Feb 22, 2011


I cut...
i hurt..
i came to you for comfort last night
and you helped me through your window,
i stumbled into u when my foot was caught,
you just catch me and smile.
i chuckle and blush when u let me go,
we sit on your bed and talk,
then you hug me tight.
when i turn to leave you grabs me,
you lay me on your bed and kisses my lips sweetly,
then you whisper
'this is the last night you'll be alone.'
^.^

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Latest Comments

  • 13 years ago

    by Dontay

    Thnxz

  • 13 years ago

    by Katy

    Very sweet

  • 13 years ago

    by Dan Bloom

    When i turn to leave you grabs me,
    he lays me on your bed and kisses my lips sweetly,
    then you whispers
    'this is the last night you'll be alone.'
    ^.^

    I love your poem :) its really sweet and its nice that people like him are giving guys like us a good reputation.

    To make the poem more clear, you could keep personal pronouns more consistent.

    when i turn to leave you grabs me,
    he(third person) lays me on your(personal) bed and kisses my lips sweetly,
    then you whispers
    'this is the last night you'll be alone.'
    ^.^

    You could either choose to make it more of a story by keeping them all non-personal third person pronouns(he, him, etc.) or personal (you, your, etc.) but not both. It makes it sound like two different people when there is only one.

    It obviously does come across the right way though still and I like it a lot. I would just consider these to be... typos ;)

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