OMG Yaki. This is the same girl who used to chatter all day every day, now grown up writing SEXY POETRY? Rawr!

I found myself blushing, which never happens. It's very rugged sensuality, in-your-face, but it also has so much more to it. While you can take this sensual poem at face value and for what it is, you can also delve a little deeper into the dependency. The needing and dying for the attention and affection of love. There is so much emotion and well as imagery of love. Beautifully written, and something so different from your usual! It's great when people expand, and I looove when you do. I love seeing your push yourself, you always come up with such greatness!

Yaki,

I agree with Britt, your poetry has matured beautifully and this poem was elegant and seductive all rolled into one. I fall in love with some of your poems, you have such talent, always remember that.

I thought the way you ended this was a nice twist, you started with seductive and then the poem hit me with love in the ending. Your tone is what grasped me. In every one of your pieces you create such an elegant and flowing tone, this one was almost like a whisper to me and it really helped create that lustful feeling over the atmosphere. I think your word choice was great, you set the scene and created a bond between the reader and your writing, you allowed for the audience to place themselves into the position of one of the people you speak of.

The only constructive criticism I can give is that I felt you needed a [.] after rose petals. I also feel you should end "youth" with a full stop also and then Capitalized the word "perhaps." These are just minor things I felt would help with the flow.

A lovely piece Yaki! and a pleasure to read.
-Mel

I find this a brilliant piece - so elegant and quite sensational as it tingles the very bottom of the heart, mind, and soul..

"have my fingertips brush ever
so softly against your skin,
as if they were rose petals "
^ This sent shivers down my spine - awesome!

The wording was too very good.

"savoring the taste of your
youth.."
^ Another favorite verse of mine. I like the usage of the word 'youth' -- it's so strong in this place.

"A vixen,"
^ that's also a powerful word as it awakes the reader from the whimsical atmosphere you've created before --
"perhaps my nose,
in your hair
only to fill my senses
with your seductive smell...
-- to another soft and tender situation:
"that failed to realize,
that I too...
was in need of love."

Wow -- the emotions are powerful and pacing hastily but organized in the same way (I don't know how could this be :P) !
AWESOME JOB, in deed!

5/5
I'm honored to nominate this piece. :D