Comments : Forever Lasting

  • 12 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    I love the idea and flow of this piece, it is consistent with that hopes that inspires me for the future. There are those who hold onto friendships and find something everlasting no one can take away.

    "You were looking for friendship
    but instead you found so much more."

    I like this innocent line- simple yet so honest and sweet.
    Sometimes God gives us great miracles we are overwhelmed (in incredible ways) by!

    "Finding your everything
    friendship, love
    a forever."

    I am feeling a bit that the structure could be strengthened and you could describe it better, just my opinion though dear.

    maybe like...

    "Finding your everything....
    friendship blossoming to love,
    holding onto
    a forever."

    Just elaborate a bit more so you are not repeating "finding everything...so much more", make each line count. I do like the magic of "a forever"- showing not just a love but a commitment type of soul.

    "You found something forever lasting,
    the man you will soon marry."

    What is forever lasting? Describe more maybe.

    "You found your dream come true
    and some one to make new dreams with."

    Read over this first line again, come should be came or your dream should be plural.
    "some one to make new dreams with"- I adore this line! I have heard of course of dreaming of that one person but to start a new life and create them we can only imagine.

    "A love forever lasting
    it was just what you needed."

    Felt ending was a bit weak, a bit rushed. Remember to leave the reader with that emotion of your soul...what you want them to feel satisfied, happy with.

    What part of this love changed you? etc.

    Thanks for the reader, please keep writing and welcome to PnQ!

    MaryAnne

  • 12 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Didn't mean welcome to PnQ I am sorry! I saw your name in other place and not in the new member section. got it mixed up XD