What a rugged little beauty. The hurried, nervous tone was well conveyed, especially with use of little punctuation. Great selection of detail, wonderful narrative and character development. Heartwringing ending which was what clinched it for me. "shinny" must be 'shiny'? And 'Klms' is normally just 'km', but leave it if you want your mark there. In fact, I love poets who have trademark language and themes in their writing, especially those of their personal location. I appreciated recognising the Melbourne streets and buildings, though I understand some of the context must be ficticious. I would have gotten off at Parliament. Haha.
Shifty, dirty, city hubbub scenes - gotta love it. Also gotta love your distinct Australian accents and wording that lifts off the page.
Way to paint something raw and vivid, man. You've got a signature. Props.