I read this three times in a row, and every time I fall in love with it more, and it just makes me want to cry. Such sadness, such pain in your words and it just kills me. I'm in awe of your words.
I love how this is stripped down - you have metaphors but they're easier to read, a little more transparent (or maybe because I know you :D)
I adore the 'time detests the body' part. How true - it hates our bodies so much, and you love words just the same. How frustrating it is when the words you want to say can't come out, and the words you normally do no longer sit in your mind.
I love the imagery here, missing dimples and robbers... oh how adorable a thought. I love the idea of someone robbing your innocence (I assume thats where you were going rather than just a childhood.. dimples come with smiles - they stole your smile as well).
It struck me a bit odd how you said desperate to be warm in a December winter - you don't have December winters, this is your summer. So it's like you're in another world and completely backwards to what is you, to what is your 'normal'. I think that's what you mean.
Pens taping her mouth shut like a prisoner of war - wow. That was just impressive, I really liked the imagery here - pens typically dry, ink blots, but never is personified or taped shut. I loved that! I love the idea of prisoner of war - you don't want her to stop writing, you want the words to flow, you want your world back, the innocence, the laughter, you want the remedy, but the battle has taken it from you.
Time heals, pumpkin :) I love you Mel, even your words when you think they are nothing. :D
....first of all..let me get over the excitement of you submitting a new piece,
second of all...
let me breathe all of this in..
third of all...
let me go turn on my radio,and play "I'll be waiting" by Adele...because it was the first thing that came to my mind when I finished with this...
let me re-read this a million times..and then pop up with a better comment.
8 years ago
by Tara Kay
That was soooo sad Mel,
I felt the emotion so much, and such pain, and heartache,
I love the metaphors, and wording,
especially "like time detests the body",
so raw and does't need coating by other metaphors, and is true, how we grow so quick, and become older yet wiser but time isn't kind on the skin or body.
it was just pure from the heart,
and I love this, I'll be reading time again.
The flow was smooth and transitional, with the depth of tone, just amazing,
I also pictured you with a pen in your mouth ...tapping your head waiting for something..
with that innocent look of the profile picture on facebook...
Ugh,no getting over this write.
8 years ago
by ronel mccarthy
Lovely-sometimes waiting is the remedy
8 years ago
by Failing Stoic
Most of what I was gonna say has already been said, damn it!
"missing dimples and
I haven't caught
^ very sad, but kinda cute as well. As Britt said, someone's stolen your smile?
"my skin held cracks
where the homeless
desperate to be warm "
^ It's often said "I don't fit into my skin" as though meaning we're not comfortable with who we are, or we're not quite stable enough to feel whole. Perhaps someone has disrupted our sense of safety... I felt this wasn't a literal "skin" you were talking about, but more to do with your soul, your being. There are cracks, crevices, voids in your person, and certain strangers are taking advantage of the opportunity to linger in the places you feel lonely; vacant. It's incredibly sad.
This poet and her endless creativity, swept me off my feet this week and had me more melted than a burned marshmallow.where should I start,
when all I have to say about this piece will probably still fail to capture all its beauty..
"There seems to be
no remedy; "
perfect intro,for the first thing that came to mind was.."no remedy for what?"..so it really pulled me in and made me get interested. I wanted to find out
immediately what seem to be the problem.
"I once loved words
more than time
detests the body"
of course we all know what time does to the body,we all know time eats it up slowly till there is nothing left of it..yet the writer puts the words in such position that the meaning doesn't strike you instantly,its almost.. like she is telling the reader
"oh,I know you know it..dig deeper"
"The hunger I feel
is a heart plagued
missing dimples and
I haven't caught
here she does the same thing I mentioned above..though hunger here can be seen as either..the longing for something..or emptiness..she is not giving it away. it adds to the mystery in the piece, while playgrounds and dimples all backfires to innocence well,stolen innocence...the words are so cleverly chosen..god.
"After you I learnt
to speak no evil and
my pen taped her mouth like
a prisoner of war"
Here the pen is taping the mouth of someone else...so she is either speaking of two people throughout the whole piece or she is writing from a third person's point of view. Although something tells me the writer is speaking about herself there is room for doubt...thus more mystery..now,we all know what a prisoner of war wants right?..its peace, its freedom..
here the writer made me dig deeper,and made go back to the top of the poem and link.. "I once loved words" ...with "taped her mouth" so I gather
someone is feeling trapped..and yet,at the end there is a little ray of hope,because although she says
there is no remedy for waiting..she leaves the ...
"but I'm still waiting anyways." hanging in the air..
the emotion in this piece is heart-shaking..
from beginning to end...the flow was flawless what an amazing piece of art..and I am hopelessly in love with this write.