Its awsome:)
I love the idea of u talking abt ur history in a way the reader is excited to complete reading, just like a story:)

Great poem 5/5 :)

Paul this is absolutely wonderful. You wrote it so matter of fact, as they say telling it like it is, not being accusatory or judgmental at all with your words. Give us the facts of how a people were so blinded by the strange new things this whiteman brought, they never saw the real motive for his kindness and were enslaved. This story can be applied to present day life, in that we as humans still are blinded by things others bring to us with ulterior motives, it is a cycle that continues to this day, showing that we really have not changed much as a society. I am nominating this and I truly hope that it wins. As a more technical note, it reads smoothly, the message is very clear, the reader can grasp each word without having to consult the dictionary, overall it is well written.

Great poem...i like the flow to it:D

We opened our hearts, opened our houses
and taught him our ways
of hunting game and festivities
of worship and sacrifices,
we even showed him our shrines

---With this stanza I can sense.. something coming like betrayal.

I particularly love the flow of this piece. Indeed sounds like you are telling a story but in a poem form. well done, because it captured my attention through the whole piece.

Paul,

It is wonderful to see another poem from you.
I have to say this one is amazing.

Its funny how it all began
He came on his strange animal
which had two wheels
and shouted loudly saying
he brought the good news
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I love the idea that you have said "he came on a strange animal"
It makes me think that these people lived humble lives and were happy the way things were.
If anyone comes around saying they have good news - who wouldn't want to hear that?
Lying to make them trust them and then betraying that trust.

Our eyes quickly became blind with
his gifts and wonders
of using tiny sticks to make fire
and his black powder that burst into flames
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Again the use of gifts to entice and make people trust. Like people who "groom others"

We opened our hearts, opened our houses
and taught him our ways
of hunting game and festivities
of worship and sacrifices,
we even showed him our shrines
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I really think that this shows us more what the people were like. The fact that they opened up their hearts and homes. Teaching someone their way of life etc.
It shows they ended up trusting this person but it also shows what their character was like. I loved this stanza -

So blinded we were that we
never saw him beyond his gifts and wonders
Soon our forty days were up
and then the whiteman revealed his plans
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This is beginning of the sad part. Where everything starts to unfold.

In time, he corrupted our leaders
We rose amongst ourselves
Brother against brother, we fought for survival
all to fufil the whiteman's lust
of manpower to work in his plantations
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
No one should have to fight for survival like that. To have things taken away from them - their choice, their freedom.

Its funny how it all began actually
He came on his strange animal
which had two wheels
He said he brought the good news
but all the whiteman did was divide
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I loved how you repeated the first part into this but changed the last line
To show us the change from the beginning to the end.

I think this was an awesome poem Paul,

x

Thank you lioness..
the strange animal being talked about is actually a bycycle, we dint have any in africa until the whites came.
tiny sticks are matches

powder: gun powder

Man this is really good i like it :)
-Angel

Your poem was stellar, a nicely written piece. I enjoyed the creativity, and originality. Aweome

/Its funny how it all began
He came on his strange animal
which had two wheels
and shouted loudly saying
he brought the good news
//
Reminds me our my country's struggle for independence. This is exactly how it began.

/We opened our hearts, opened our houses
and taught him our ways
// very true ... the natives are always welcoming. they are naive and treat a guest as their own. I loved the way you have written the lines.

//Soon our forty days were up
and then the whiteman revealed his plans
// it took us 200 years ... that a huge number now that I think of it.

/He said he brought the good news
but all the whiteman did was divide
// powerful ending. It is tough to see when you are blindly trusting a person.

Loved the narration, the matter-of-factly way to telling an important piece of history ... yet so powerful and profound.

Paul, really an amazing piece. I loved the simplicity with which you expressed everything. Its an old saying 'divide and rule' & was followed by many ruling countries.

So easily people get blinded with false hopes & before they could realize...they end up killing their own brothers and sisters.

Great write...loved it all the way.

all the best and take care

I actually found this poem offensive to the point of nearly being exceedingly rude.
I hope each and everyone of you that commented come back and read what I have to say. This poem is a typical example of the docritne that is spewed to the black youth of Africa today which subsequently has placed my wife and childrens lives in jeapordy by those very same youths of Africa. Who along with the history lessens get taught to sing songs like kill the boer. Which means farmer/whiteman. I have stood and watched friends and family die fighting for a modicum of peace and freedom and yet I still have listen to drivel like this. My body bears many scars fighting for the safety of my family and yet in the one place I retreat to, I still cannot escape the touch of hate directed towards me because I had the misfortune to be born a WHITEMAN.
Yet these very same people who curse the advances made by the WHITEMAN never seem to shun the use of matches and return to smashing rocks together for fire. An art which I took the trouble to master. Gone are the drums and computers and internet are too welcome. DO NOT PERSICUTE ME BECAUSE I AM A WHITE AFRICAN.

Gilbert ..you can never change history..thats all i have to say coz am not in the mood for debates...this is how it happened.

Wow this was great and good but really new to my eyes but I still loved it... it's to do with history is what I percieved and what came to my mind as I read was thee old days like lil house on the prairie and when there was england and the Indians but I'm not quite sure I grasped the poem but fantastic great write and I enjoyed reading it 5/5

It's really interesting taking on the perspective of the native tribe in this poem of yours. It's crazy how to them the whiteman was so interesting and fascinating in the beginning, but in the end was the destruction of all.

we can liken this lesson to many things, even in out current lives. a bit of an eye opener this poem.
very nice 5/5

I really like your point of view, very original. I enjoy the perspective. thanks!

Hi brother, your poem is written eloquently regards to what happens in the African societies.

I relate to this poem easily been an African, your a genius. You wrote it like a story, flowing smoothly and very emphatic.

It's brave of you to come up with historical mishaps that's normal in our daily lives in our nations. I apreciate your courage, though some will find the poem offensive but It's the truth.

What an exquisite piece. Stay blessed.

I love this we got a picture off how slavery all started. I love how they think the white man on a horse is going to befriend them, but in the end the whiteman takes them all.
5/5

Very interesting poem sir :D

I like the part
"In time he corrupted our leaders"

The world itself has not changed
it's the people that's making it a corrupt place

I did enyoy it, I love it

This was really interesting. I normally dont like things that dont rhyme but this was very captivating. Thank you for commenting on my poem and please check out some of my other ones :)