Un-named

Happiness was so long ago and so far away,
Then why can't I forget it?
I don't remember all of it, just
That it was better than now,
That it ended with the burning of my dreams.

If only I was a phoenix,
To rise unscarred and undaunted
From the ashes of dreams!
Alas! I am just a human being and scared;
And phoenixes aren't real.

If only I could raise my glass, for the last time,
And say, "To not being lonely and
Not just forgetting loneliness". And another,
"To new friends" and old habits,
Old habits that die hard!

I am not completely broken, haven't lost my touch.
I am not whole either, have loved and lost.
If I love again, knowing of un-fairytale endings,
I shall not forget to hope for that
Lost but remembered, torturous and enslaving happiness!