The flow and the choice of words is absolutely brilliant ! : )
well done !

Wow

a puzzle between the toughened
lines of my broken pencils
and the dazzling colors of a morning
trilled and shrill-
dripping, dropping, tripping
^^
this is my fav part. (dripping, dropping, tripping) I love the rhythm in this line:)
I like the imagery in this poem:)
Prefectly written:)

Noura, My Gosh you are amazing :)

I will lay you;
a wounded gazelle
^^^
Oh, This image is heartbreaking, Gazelle's are known for there lustrous eyes, but a wounded gazelle makes me think of someone who has lost the spark, the twinkle in there eye.

among the drizzle of my
daydream, nuzzling
in a hazel sun.

^^^ Awesome image here, such beautiful words

I will lay you
a puzzle between the toughened
lines of my broken pencils

^^^Always such articulate and original metaphors from you, sweetie

and the dazzling colors of a morning
trilled and shrill-
dripping, dropping, tripping
slipping along my hips
and fizzling with the sound
of a moonlight skiing
in a barbaric hunger
over my windowsill
with its grizzled glitter
muzzled and still
between my lips

^Such sadness in these lines, love the rhythm of "dripping, dropping, tripping, slipping" such awesomness as ever

Noura I am just speechless again by your fantastic words, absolutely perfect

:)
xxx

Such beautiful words for a simple daydream. I LOVE IT

I love the images, they just look so majestic. Beautiful poem hun

Loved it!

x

I keep trying to figure out how to comment, but I can't really. I'm in awe over the imagery - you really, really stressed the images in this piece. It was so descriptive and was just beautifully done.

I like the alliteration and the internal rhyme placed throughout the poem as well. It seems that is becoming a popular theme to try out (it's hard to pull off effectively), and you did it very well here. A bit strayed, a bit of a few different thoughts in one that all pulled together, but isn't that what a daydream is? Wonderfully done!

I loved the flow, the alliteration and images. Awesome piece.

Very well written Noura.

An interesting read.

I'm yet to learn true..perhaps, for my restive know-how.. I wish i had rightly judged, still. But i like this, too! Keep the thrill on!

Lovely Poem :)

I had my eyes on this three days ago, through my phone, and now finally, I can comment.

This is superb, by all means. I even can't get this idea from my head, that it's the best thing you've ever written yet.. even better than the one about you in the mirror (the Winning one).
Anyway, here are my thoughts:

I will lay you;

^ I love the light sounds of the three 'l's followed by 'you'. It is so soft.

a wounded gazelle

^ a wounded gazelle... this reminds me of a very old story we've read in the 5th or 6th grade, in Arabic, I don't remember. And just the scene of this wounded gazelle gives me chills. I can imagine the innocence of this gazelle, (oh, and by the way, I love the sound and the echo it makes)... bleeding.. tearing... it just crumples my heart.

among the drizzle of my
daydream, nuzzling
in a hazel sun. I will lay you
a puzzle...........

^ The ZZZZZZZZZZ makes me smile. Drizzle and Nuzzle are just bold words, they make bold sounds in my head, but you succeeded in decreasing their effect with a z-containing beautiful word: hazel.

And I like the idea that it's just a daydream.

.....between the toughened
lines of my broken pencils

^ that's beautiful, you know. it's like you're trying to draw him.. but you can't.

dripping, dropping, tripping
slipping along my hips

^ Amazing alliteration. I can imagine the gazelle between your legs.

and fizzling with the sound
of a moonlight skiing
in a barbaric hunger
over my windowsill
with its grizzled glitter
muzzled and still
between my lips.

^^ I can't say anything more than Fabulous; maybe you have so many concealed messages you're trying to convey; I can understand some... but I love that I can only try to understand the others by doodling in my brain.

--- Amazing piece. Totally love it!

Zzzzzzz :D I just loved it ... cleverly written. Enjoyed how the words flowed smoothly from one verse to another :) beautiful write.