In The Setting Sun

Thanks man i liked the haunted in the dark part ill adjust the poem accordingly on what works. thanks for the feedback

"so take whats left of this pathetic heart
and leave me alone, alone in the dark"

This would sound better and fit more with the rest of the poem without sounding too forced if it was'

"so take whats left of this broken heart
and leave me alone, haunted in the dark"

"I loved you then and I love now
I loved you forever as it dragged me down"

I like those lines it's a very sweet statement of love but the 2nd line I loved you forever as it dragged me down would sound a lot better if it was I loved you forever but it dragged me down. Otherwise very nice.

"so feel the water as it drowns my lungs
you will see me in the setting sun"

The ending is a sweet picture portrayed, overall I like this, well done.