Comments : Perhaps not

  • 11 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    Liz- This poem just....dang it woman... *cries* You have me feeling every word... I too have locked myself in the bathroom...running that faucet so high that it would drown out my tears.... each stanza within this piece just grabs me.... the flow of this poem is just...wow....
    well done!!

  • 11 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    Liz, It really pains me to read such sadness from you, I wonder who has hurt you so badly and how I'd like them to feel worse than is possible....

    the poem bled pain, sadness, and emotions were vivid to bring tears to my eyes for you

    hugs and love...
    xxx

  • 11 years ago

    by Yrem Crish

    Really beautifully written..every words radiate my heart to feel this amazing poem of yours...full of emotion and I feel the deep pain and sadness you feel...My heart tagged with this stanza:

    >No end to the days
    I would hide in the
    bathroom to drown
    out the sound of
    my tears with
    running water,

    Gush! I really relate this emotion...how hard to cry and hiding inside the bathroom...I feel choke and breathless...my heart wants to bump because of pain...I love this, ma'am..very amazing..and i add this to my fav
    your 5/5 here",

  • 11 years ago

    by L

    Perhaps not,

    Darn, I have feel like this before

    perhaps, or perhaps not.. and sometimes I wish that it was just perhaps instead of the not.

    You're looking at me
    like something is wrong
    yet you choose to ignore
    my inner cries.

    Perhaps you're finally
    seeing past my fake
    smiles.

    Perhaps not.

    --- I like how there is some type of suspense within those stanzas. I mean the way I see it is that somehow your inner being wants that someone to see through your fake smiles and finally do something about it to make them not fake but real. But what is more saddening is the part where you said that perhaps that someone indeed found out that something was wrong, but decided to overlook it as if he/she didn't care, and that's where the "perhaps not" part comes into play. Perhaps, there is an inner hope you wish for that someone to not have seeing through them because that would be a less painful reason for why that someone is ignoring but rather not ignoring simply not seeing it.

    No end to the days
    I would hide in the
    bathroom to drown
    out the sound of
    my tears with
    running water,

    for you would not
    believe that it
    was your sharp
    tongue that had
    caused them to
    fall in the beginning.

    --- This part is touching and even though I haven't done so, I can still feel the pain.
    and how you prefer to hide your pain and not let it be seeing by that someone. Somehow, I feel like you want that someone to know about the existence of your pain and cease it, but you don't want to tell him/her. I guess it's more rewarding to know if that someone truly knows you or not.

    Your eyes look
    right past me
    as though I don't
    exist in your world,

    or any other.

    Perhaps one day
    my outstretched
    lips will not
    be forged by
    my broken heart.

    Perhaps not.

    --- then on this one, the feeling that I get is the same one, that you want to scream it out and say it, but your pain is so much that you can't. I'm imaging the pain accumulated down your throat and impeding to say it. :(

    Awesome write, it's really sad. You were able to connect to us readers. I hope you feel better and that that someone can see your pain.

  • 11 years ago

    by Ms Happiness

    This poem grabs the readers face and sticks it on the screen. It touched me, what an awesome poem it is:)
    Great job Liz:)

  • 11 years ago

    by Jenna Bella Oldridge

    So sad :( once again you spoken to my heart. So much pain in this piece. It hurts to be ignored by someone. To be treated like nothing is wrong when the problem cuts deep. I love how your work is always so relatable.

    5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by Chelsey

    No end to the days
    I would hide in the
    bathroom to drown
    out the sound of
    my tears with
    running water

    ^ dear God, that was epic!! Seriously, that stanza amazed me and in that instant tears formed in my eyes because I know the embarrassment of crying in a bathroom and using runnning water to cover it up...That was brilliantly written.

    This poem is terrbily sad, but I've always said to people, sad poems sometimes seem to turn out to be the best kind!

    Well done Liz!

  • 11 years ago

    by Xanthe

    So much has been said, and I agree with everyone. This is a heart-wrenching piece that everyone has gone through one way or another, and I love how you penned that here. To be honest, when I reached the "hide in the bathroom" part I thought this was going to be one of those suicide poems, but of course, it's not and I like that. The setting you chose is over-used, but your wording made it work and it added to the sad atmosphere. Great job there. I won't analyze this further, as I'd only echo what Lucero have said. Perhaps the "outstretched lips" is the most unpoetic phrase here (for me) but maybe it's because that's the first time I've read that. So the ending, to me, was confusing. It seems powerful "my outstretched lips will not be forged by my broken heart.
    Perhaps not." But how can a broken heart forge an outstretched lip? Maybe it's a metaphor for pouting. I don't know, maybe it's just my ignorance lol. Overall, I like this, just a bit confusing for me.
    -X

  • 11 years ago

    by nouriguess

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