Comments : IN-LOVE

  • 11 years ago

    by Xanthe

    I don't like the capitalization, it's just distracting..
    I think it's really sweet that you wrote something for his birthday instead of buying a hallmark greeting card or something like people do these days, making everything look like everyone's rushing. Taking the time to write something, your emotions/feelings really show. I like that about this. Thing is, this seems more of a 'letter' or 'card' than a poem, minus the formatting.
    To the person you're sending this to, no doubt they'll be happy, but to a random reader, it's just (no offense) forgettable :(
    Shame this has a lot of potential, but my advice to you, don't use so much cliche in poetry like "MY HEART SKIPS A BEAT". Metaphors and simile would make this more colorful and memorable. But since this is written from the heart, and for someone you obviously love, I guess criticism is unnecessary. My only advice is be more unique and do not capitalize the whole piece here. Maybe if you write it down and your natural penmanship is All-caps, then it's probably alright, so he'll recognize your handwriting. Keep writing, though. Will be checking out more of your work :)
    -X

  • 11 years ago

    by Paul Gondwe

    I felt this poem was beautifully written though i agree with Xantha in that the capitalization must go. This was well written with emotions, much has already been said so i will stop here..
    continue writing.

  • 11 years ago

    by Max

    This is beautiful piece
    only the capitalization, was a bit bothering while
    reading but it is still good
    keep writing =)

  • 11 years ago

    by Wicked Ways

    I dont like the caps either, but over all the poem is good I loved your lines, they're deep and you can tell your emotions go very deep from reading this poem

    I'VE NEVER MISS NOBODY
    LIKE I MISS YOU
    I'VE NEVER FELT SO MUCH PAIN
    THIS IS INSANE

    thats what happens huh, you go insane. . . I know I've been there before, sometimes still am there but stay strong and keep writing ;)

  • 11 years ago

    by Kitty Kurse

    Um, is your caps broken?,, lol Good poem its really sweet, needs more metaphors..
    4/5

  • 11 years ago

    by Lofallenve

    I'm in agreement with Xanthe. The all caps just really threw me off on this poem. :S
    It's a sweet poem you wrote nonetheless.