Will come back! Will come back!

Fantastic
Sorry I cant be detailed(using phone)
But this was lovely dark but lovely
I wonder what is this really about other than feeling
I somehow can relate to your words tho I disnt fully understand
5/5 keep writing=)

I can't describe this poem with words... simply :0

5/5!!

I drop my bread crumbs
leaving footprints
inviting you, to follow me
Nostalgia, signs of a sad song tonight
lighting the way that leads me away from you
And I wish I conquer time!
But I know you'll whisper
that's wishful thinking
my thoughts are, but naught
insignificant

but that dull bitter green of fruit
not even the hungry would take a bite of
does it matter?

I tried every exit
not knowing
that all exits only lead to you
bury me deeper

Wow, those lines really touched my heart
what an eye opener
this dark and sad feeling
trying to find the right exit
and it all leads us back to the one
we are trying to escape from

this is due for nomination

Wow, great job, I love it:)

I'll be back with my comment, this is really good.

I don't know what to say? Seriously!

This poem is superb. I honestly loved every bit of it. I loved the words you've used, the images are friggin amazing.

The title of course drew me in. I mean I've always had a fascination with the number six from my ocd but mix it in with death kind of freaks me out. I read the title and am instantly reminded of death and what I have seen in death so far, especially watching someone being buried six feet under is quite hard.

The rest of the poem was just WOW.

x

Weaving my way through littered alleyways
which separated the past and the future,

-----With this sentences, I'm guessing you mean that you are walking in the present since the present in my opinion is the one that separates the past and the future.

I drop my bread crumbs and leave my
footprints; inviting you to follow me.

----This line reminded me of the story, what was the name of the story?
my memory failed me, but I liked when you said that you are inviting that someone to follow you. Also that you are giving that someone time to go after you because you are leaving the bread crumbs and your footprints to lead that someone into you whenever he/she is ready.

Nostalgia sings a sad song tonight
lighting the way that leads me away from you.
And I wish I could conquer time!
(or the night at least)

---- Then this is sad because I'm guessing that someone didn't follow you and you are just walking in that path alone while it's raining and the footprints are erasing and omg this is so sad. How can that someone find you then? (the lighting the way,, made me think about rain and thunders) and then i guess there are still the breadcrumbs in the road...

But I know you'll whisper that's wishful thinking;
my thoughts are but naught
-insignificant-
meant only to fall upon deaf ears.
Humiliation trickles down these green eyes.

---- This part right here is the one I find the most personal since I can't make sense out of it.. The way I understood it is as if you are holding a conversation with that someone and well your wishful thinking is that you want that someone to follow you but you think that your thoughts are just insignificant, naught ( zero , that they don't count) and you feel really sad because I'm guessing you are feeling not worthy for that person to follow you :(

No-
not that green kissing our garden
in the late month of March
but that dull, bitter green of a fruit
not even the hungry would take a bite of.

--- O_O are you talking about your eyes on this one... I think green eyes are beautiful.
and I think everyone would believe that you are feeling sad or humiliated for that someone to not had follow you. I found this a bit confusing.. I probably didn't get the right meaning.

Does it matter?
Your baffled voice echoes sanity within
the walls of my crumbling mind
and for once, I did not listen.
So when my world finally caves in,
I want you-
and only you to bury me.

---- Does it matter that your eyes a trickling down with humiliation?
SO my thoughts on this one is that that someone does care for you and you are just running away because you might be scared... so that voice is confused because (i'm guessing this is a love poem and that you are confused whether you love that someone and you are scared and so you are trying to run away.

No-
not six feet underground
but deeper, darling
for I know this world can never contain me
as I run away from you,

--- I'm guessing that this is like saying hold me and capture me my love.
(I'm probably sooo off.. but that's the way I'm understanding this piece. )

ignoring the red plastic signs screaming
stop in my green eyes.
I tried every exit, not knowing
that all exit leads only to
you.

Bury me deeper.

--- Ohhh, I tried every exit, not knowing that all exits lead only to you... I think there is a typo exit to exits ... and haha this reminded me of one of my quotes about the maze and all exits leading to him etc... Great minds think alike :D

Yeah, I think this piece is a love poem that is asking that someone to make her fall deeper in love or to kill her (with love perhaps) so she won't have to feel like running away from being scared..

Did I get at least close? or was I so off?

All in all, you left me speechless when I finished trying to decipher this poem and now I'm bemused.

but wow!

I simply don't have a detailed comment for you at this time... but I just want to express to you, that this piece is just wow....... brilliant... and beyond captivating with sorrowful detail....I've read this piece several times...and still my mouth drops...

Amazing poem!

I love all the imagery and the overwhelming amount of emotions.

keep writing, keep strong

5/5

Weaving my way through littered alleyways
which separated the past and the future,

^^ sounds as though these pathways have changed from your past into your future - perhaps a new career choice, a new direction in life, etc..?

I drop my bread crumbs and leave my
footprints; inviting you to follow me.

^^ you want this someone to join you on this new pathway, this new journey you are taking.. It is their choice.. yet you want this person to join you badly because you have left clues to your direction - made it easy for them to follow, but you also want to give this person time to decide.

Nostalgia sings a sad song tonight
lighting the way that leads me away from you.

^^ obviously this person did not/ could not follow you on this new path of yours. Which would definitely be hard to deal with but also a sadness you must overcome..

And I wish I could conquer time!
(or the night at least)

^^ i think you are saying you wish that this could be over and you can reunite with the person mentioned above..? Or perhaps just to get over this first initial shock that the person cannot join you so you can continue more freely of emotion.. Can enjoy this lifestyle change..

But I know you'll whisper that's wishful thinking;
my thoughts are but naught
-insignificant-
meant only to fall upon deaf ears.

^^ that conquering time is impossible.. It will travel at the speed it needs/wants to. To time your thoughts are nothing and will go unheard.. To the afore-mentioned person (who perhaps this also could relate) you only feel like your thoughts fall on 'deaf ears' because this person chose not to follow you.

Humiliation trickles down these green eyes.
No-
not that green kissing our garden
in the late month of March
but that dull, bitter green of a fruit
not even the hungry would take a bite of.

^^ the imagery in this segment is just amazing! You have described your feelings so well. You have described also, I think, how depleted you have become - the vibrance that once was is no longer there because of the situation.

Does it matter?
Your baffled voice echoes sanity within
the walls of my crumbling mind
and for once, I did not listen.

^^you are becoming stronger, realising you made this choice for yourself and if this person doesnt want to support you, then they arent worth your thoughts, or for that matter, your happiness.

So when my world finally caves in,
I want you-
and only you to bury me.

^^ you still love this person.. And if you should fail, you want to return to this person...?

No-
not six feet underground
but deeper, darling

^^could this mean within your beloved's heart ??

for I know this world can never contain me
as I run away from you,
ignoring the red plastic signs screaming
stop in my green eyes.
I tried every exit, not knowing
that all exit leads only to
you.

^^ you try to run from this love only to realise it is stronger than you originally thought. Thought that if this person could not support you then you didnt want anything to done with them, but your heart had other ideas.. Ones you cannot hide from, cannot escape..

Bury me deeper.

^^or in other words, i think, love me forever ? Personal interpretation.

Overall, WOW! This piece is truly astounding! If my critique is correct, the story jumps a little from time to time, but it keeps it suspenseful. I really enjoyed reading. (:

5/5