Your Gift

by CryingHeart   May 30, 2012


Promises that wont last,
And memories that wont fade,
Love that would never part,
And kisses that wont taste,
Words which would pierce
And care that would hurt,
Happiness that would cry,
That's what you brought,
In my life

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Latest Comments

  • 11 years ago

    by DarkLight

    Great piece

  • 11 years ago

    by Jenni

    I think the title is well chosen as it indicates you're directing your poem at a specific person, which makes your words more realistic and I'm also glad to see that you capitalized both words. I think that emphasizes it being the title more.

    May I make a few suggestions, I'll leave your poem the way it is, just change the punctuation a bit because the way it's now, it'd be one sentence, which I do not think it actually is:

    Promises that won't last
    and memories that wont fade.
    Love that would never part
    and kisses that won't taste.
    Words which would pierce
    and care that would hurt.
    Happiness that would cry,
    that's what you brought,
    in my life. -> I'd say that it is better like this :) Just a suggestion though and I'd probably change the "in" to "into"

    I did not expect this poem to turn out negative as getting a gift is usually a good thing, but I like that twist because of it not being usual. It also did not feel as though you'd say these words with a lot of hatred, which one could probably understand if that is really what that person caused the persona to feel, but oh well.

    Overall I think this is an interesting poem, which needs a bit of editing, but the potential is there. :)

  • 11 years ago

    by The Poet Behind The Poems

    Short but sweet a very warm and cute poem

    Well done

    Tony

  • 11 years ago

    by sayonara

    I really love it cause it can help me to tell my besdie how i feel bout him
    luv youh very much cryingheart

  • 11 years ago

    by DarkLight

    Haha sry fr avin such person in ua life op evrything wil change ..thats a beautiful piece..greatly done.