I liked this one alot, especially how you described yourself as a work in progess (aren't we all)
My only critique is i think "hue" should be included in the first line rather then starting the second.
Anyway 5/5. I hope to see more of your poetry soon. :)
7 years ago
by Beautiful Soul
The imagery is stunning here. I pondered this a while and I think it could be about a lot of things. But what made me decide on an opinion was that you were trying to find yourself. To me that says you are washing away the old you and finding the new and yes we are are works in progress but each path is different. That's the beauty of life... We are all unique in our own way. The last line is my favorite so is the first. To me the vocabulary is perfect in all the right spots as well. I feel here the imagery captures the message nicely. And each line is a step to become someone new. Beautiful.
7 years ago
THis poem has a very sad feel to it for me. for me i see someone trying to build who they are, trying to put themselves higher and higher each time they reach their goal but in a near unhealthy manner.. I dont see you doing this for your own benifit though.. Trying to be as perfect as you can be for the people you love. Its very sweet but taxing on yourself.
Everyone holds you so high and you want to be the best person you can be, constantly building but NEVER complete.
This poem, of course, can be applied to a happier setting so forgive me if my mind went to all the negatives.
An example i see of this is putting on make up. Your trying to cover imperfection, slowly making yourself more beautiful but its never "perfect". Theres always something else you can add. Eyeliner, Concealer... Everything has its place and a purpose.
Or another example could be as simple as learning to love, going through the motions. it could be a lover or a child your loving and your learning to dance it with them. How to lead, how to let them lead, how to grow.
Your poetry is very strong because of how easily relatable it is and how you can relate it to your own life when read. Not a lot of people can do that (i know i cant my poetry is crap, emotion filled, and the like. No imagery or anything.) I love how no matter where i put this poem i can apply it to my life...
Beautiful artistry. It begins as an hommage of one type of art for another. The poet extolling the virtues of art but expands into something far bigger when at the end we realise you are not just talking about painting a picture, but about creating your own life.
Fantastic peice of writing. :)
Building who I am, I never get it done and I never get it right.
I am a work in progress, always more within my light.
Sorry, I started to chuckle evily at this part. It's not that I have anything bad to say about it it's just too dang relatble ! I have a beer belly, and I have yet to loose it and I'm definatly a work in progress. Contrary, to what Willow said, I don't think it has a sad tone to the poem at all just stating facts, which gives the reader imagery to what the person in the poem looks like, what are their mission (which is to loose weight), and of course how they are strong or not. Having delt with problems with my weight this is a great poem hon! 5/5